I was met with a rather shocking surprise this morning when I went to log onto World of Warcraft (WoW, dont’cha know?), a message telling me my account had run out of time which spelled no more WoW for the Ken.
It is truly a sad, sad day.
When I checked my account online, I was not surprised to see that I’d been playing WoW since 2005. Maybe I should have been. The thing is it’s been a while and I really enjoy it – BUT I am out of work. I can’t really afford to purchase more time.
Now, those who play are probably wondering about what will happen to the stuff I have at the Auction Houses. Mail only sticks around for 30 days. This seems to give me a built-in time limit. So, I decided to take the next 30 days off from WoW. Hopefully, in that time, I’ll get a job and all will be well.
Until then… well… I’ll… shit, what do people do???
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Globally Tepid…
This right-wing dick I know – he’s my step-dad, so trust me on this – gave me a hint on the now stance people who were too selfish and petty to listen to reasoned people about global warming will take now that we’re beginning to feel the effect of global warming. (And, believe me, the party is just starting.) He said, “We’re just going to have to accept that this is how it’s going to be.”
No shit? We can’t, like, reduce our pollution? Maybe change our attitudes? Perhaps, make some sacrifices? Now that the world is completely fucked, it seems obvious that the folks who wouldn’t do anything to prevent global warming are the same folks who won’t get off their asses to reduce it.
Sometimes, it’s embarrassing to be in the same race.
No shit? We can’t, like, reduce our pollution? Maybe change our attitudes? Perhaps, make some sacrifices? Now that the world is completely fucked, it seems obvious that the folks who wouldn’t do anything to prevent global warming are the same folks who won’t get off their asses to reduce it.
Sometimes, it’s embarrassing to be in the same race.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Happy Anniversary…
In just a few days, I’m going to experience an anniversary – or, at least, what would have been my 20th wedding anniversary with Rosa Piedra. Twenty years ago, I stood in front of my dad, Rob, Sean and… not a whole lot of people, actually, and vowed never to leave her.
I did.
And I’ve been thinking about this. I’ve wanted to get it off my chest – how this is affecting me – but I anticipate that most of my readers with voice their dissatisfaction with me (never in the Comments, though… yeesh!) for even mentioning it… as if I’d forgotten that I am now married to Vicky.
Folks, she’s upstairs in bed. I had dinner with her tonight. I know we’re married.
I wish that wiped the slate clean. It doesn’t.
This is very difficult to explain. On one hand, it’s hard to imagine I was ever married to Rosa. After all, Vicky and I have a past, present, and a future all planned out; how could anyone else have ever existed in my life? But then I think about how Rosa and I had a past, present, and a future ready to experience together. It’s a fragmenting thought and it splits me down the middle. On one side, here I am with Vicky, happily living our lives. On the other side, there’s the part of my that died back then when I lost Rosa. And it doesn’t make sense. How could I be happy with Vicky today if I died back then?
Time doesn’t flow in a straight line. I wish it did. I wish my life was like a list of things and people to do. That way, I could have scratched Rosa off the list before meeting Vicky. But Rosa keeps turning up – thanks to my overly-active mind. Knowing we didn’t make it reopens old wounds all over again and I feel the pain of losing her all over again – and this happens ever so opportunely and conveniently while I’m trying to focus my affection on Vicky, because I really don’t feel like saying to my wife, “No tonight, honey. I’m hurting too much over losing Rosa… nearly a decade ago…” Seriously, how fucked up is that?
And the thing I realize is that the Rosa I loved doesn’t even exist any more. She’s gone. The physical person has changed, even her bodily cells have all been replaced. And the spirit I loved may not have even existed to begin with, as I am reminded when I think back on when she perjured herself in court and tried to hurt me even worse.
So, I am haunted by the memory of someone I may never have known.
I hear her voice sometimes, calling my name, especially in these early mornings when I can’t sleep. I try to remember the ways she hurt me, but it’s harder to think of those things while also realizing how I am forgetting he voice. The ghost is fading. And how weird is it that I mourn losing even that?
I don’t want Rosa. I just want to stop feeling the pain of losing her… and then I realize that the pain is all that makes it real, nothing else exists.
Vicky and I were talking about multiple universes the other day and, with that in mind, I think it’s important to realize that in some other universe, Rosa and I are still together and I am wishing her a happy 20th anniversary. In some universe, she and I never met and Vicky and I still found each other – maybe I’m even employed. Hell, why not? – and this date means nothing to me. This is neither of those places. In this universe, I lost Rosa and found Vicky and I am left to reconcile those two incontrovertible realities on my life. Vicky has brought joy to my life and being with her makes me immensely happy but that doesn’t erase my history. No, that’s just not how life works.
Life works like this: Ken and Rosa, twenty years ago, got married. I want to send them a wedding gift, telling them to embrace every moment of their lives together because they are finite, short, and fleeting. I can’t, of course. Instead, I’ll tell Vicky, just as I’m telling you.
Happy endings are an illusion. Happy Nows are what we should all hope to get.
I did.
And I’ve been thinking about this. I’ve wanted to get it off my chest – how this is affecting me – but I anticipate that most of my readers with voice their dissatisfaction with me (never in the Comments, though… yeesh!) for even mentioning it… as if I’d forgotten that I am now married to Vicky.
Folks, she’s upstairs in bed. I had dinner with her tonight. I know we’re married.
I wish that wiped the slate clean. It doesn’t.
This is very difficult to explain. On one hand, it’s hard to imagine I was ever married to Rosa. After all, Vicky and I have a past, present, and a future all planned out; how could anyone else have ever existed in my life? But then I think about how Rosa and I had a past, present, and a future ready to experience together. It’s a fragmenting thought and it splits me down the middle. On one side, here I am with Vicky, happily living our lives. On the other side, there’s the part of my that died back then when I lost Rosa. And it doesn’t make sense. How could I be happy with Vicky today if I died back then?
Time doesn’t flow in a straight line. I wish it did. I wish my life was like a list of things and people to do. That way, I could have scratched Rosa off the list before meeting Vicky. But Rosa keeps turning up – thanks to my overly-active mind. Knowing we didn’t make it reopens old wounds all over again and I feel the pain of losing her all over again – and this happens ever so opportunely and conveniently while I’m trying to focus my affection on Vicky, because I really don’t feel like saying to my wife, “No tonight, honey. I’m hurting too much over losing Rosa… nearly a decade ago…” Seriously, how fucked up is that?
And the thing I realize is that the Rosa I loved doesn’t even exist any more. She’s gone. The physical person has changed, even her bodily cells have all been replaced. And the spirit I loved may not have even existed to begin with, as I am reminded when I think back on when she perjured herself in court and tried to hurt me even worse.
So, I am haunted by the memory of someone I may never have known.
I hear her voice sometimes, calling my name, especially in these early mornings when I can’t sleep. I try to remember the ways she hurt me, but it’s harder to think of those things while also realizing how I am forgetting he voice. The ghost is fading. And how weird is it that I mourn losing even that?
I don’t want Rosa. I just want to stop feeling the pain of losing her… and then I realize that the pain is all that makes it real, nothing else exists.
Vicky and I were talking about multiple universes the other day and, with that in mind, I think it’s important to realize that in some other universe, Rosa and I are still together and I am wishing her a happy 20th anniversary. In some universe, she and I never met and Vicky and I still found each other – maybe I’m even employed. Hell, why not? – and this date means nothing to me. This is neither of those places. In this universe, I lost Rosa and found Vicky and I am left to reconcile those two incontrovertible realities on my life. Vicky has brought joy to my life and being with her makes me immensely happy but that doesn’t erase my history. No, that’s just not how life works.
Life works like this: Ken and Rosa, twenty years ago, got married. I want to send them a wedding gift, telling them to embrace every moment of their lives together because they are finite, short, and fleeting. I can’t, of course. Instead, I’ll tell Vicky, just as I’m telling you.
Happy endings are an illusion. Happy Nows are what we should all hope to get.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Oh really?...
There's been this video hitting the Internet(s) about Bill Orally many years ago. I wasn't going to post it until I saw what the folks at Barely Political (dot calm) unearthed.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Waiting on that call…
Unemployment sucks.
You can quote me.
I interviewed two weeks ago for a job and haven’t heard a thing. Oh, I followed up last Thursday and was told that I should hear something this week.
What I don’t think they realize is that telling someone who is out of work and desperate for a job that he’ll hear something this week is the same thing as chaining me to the phone! I’m watching the damn thing 24/7, waiting for that call. And the call could be a “We thought you made a good candidate, but…” kind of call.
I’m going crazy.
The worst part is I’m also thinking that if they do hire me, I hope they don’t want me to start right away because I could use some R&R from all this stress…
You can quote me.
I interviewed two weeks ago for a job and haven’t heard a thing. Oh, I followed up last Thursday and was told that I should hear something this week.
What I don’t think they realize is that telling someone who is out of work and desperate for a job that he’ll hear something this week is the same thing as chaining me to the phone! I’m watching the damn thing 24/7, waiting for that call. And the call could be a “We thought you made a good candidate, but…” kind of call.
I’m going crazy.
The worst part is I’m also thinking that if they do hire me, I hope they don’t want me to start right away because I could use some R&R from all this stress…
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Drunk on margaritas and old age...
One of the benefits of getting older is we know that mid point between "pleasantly drunk" and "embracing the toilet for all we're worth". After a while you learn to start drinking water and, whatever you do, not lie down whatever you do.
So, here I am. Drunk on margaritas and drinking water, hoping to work my way past the worst of it - because I'm far too experienced to be clutching the toilet for dear life...
So, here's a question... you ever been so drunk that you can't watch TV because it makes you even more nauseated.. damn, this sucks...
So, here I am. Drunk on margaritas and drinking water, hoping to work my way past the worst of it - because I'm far too experienced to be clutching the toilet for dear life...
So, here's a question... you ever been so drunk that you can't watch TV because it makes you even more nauseated.. damn, this sucks...
Friday, May 09, 2008
It's Finals Week...
Question: Aristotle comes to his psychology from a very different direction than Plato does. Discuss their differing accounts of the nature of the psyche.
Answer: Aristotle and Plato are long dead and best left to rest in their graves. Isn't it past time we stopped trying to exhume the past for our own gains? Shouldn't our ancients be respected and left to rest?
... hmmm... probably not going to work...
Answer: Dana Plato and Aristotle Onasis both took very different approaches to Psychology. Dana Plato's spread in Playboy was very Freudian, for instance, while...
... hmmm...
College sucks.
Answer: Aristotle and Plato are long dead and best left to rest in their graves. Isn't it past time we stopped trying to exhume the past for our own gains? Shouldn't our ancients be respected and left to rest?
... hmmm... probably not going to work...
Answer: Dana Plato and Aristotle Onasis both took very different approaches to Psychology. Dana Plato's spread in Playboy was very Freudian, for instance, while...
... hmmm...
College sucks.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
This is how sleepwalking fucks with you…
12:30am… this morning…
I awake, suddenly remembering the two final things I need to write down on my list. Sure, it’s the middle of the night but I’ve been working on my list and I should write down these final, two things. Anyway, if I go back to sleep, I’ll forget them and then where will I be?
Okay. Okay. So, I get up, get dressed and start walking down the stairs.
It’s at this point when the final two things become kind of fuzzy in my head, the two items that were so clear to me just moments before.
In fact, as I near the bottom of the stairs… I realize… something… else…
And, standing at the bottom of the stairs, it’s clear to me that there was no final, two things! In fact, there was no list! Once again, I’ve fooled myself into waking up!
And now, here it is at 3:30am and I’m still awake.
… I figured I’d share it, make my waking up somewhat worth it…
I awake, suddenly remembering the two final things I need to write down on my list. Sure, it’s the middle of the night but I’ve been working on my list and I should write down these final, two things. Anyway, if I go back to sleep, I’ll forget them and then where will I be?
Okay. Okay. So, I get up, get dressed and start walking down the stairs.
It’s at this point when the final two things become kind of fuzzy in my head, the two items that were so clear to me just moments before.
In fact, as I near the bottom of the stairs… I realize… something… else…
And, standing at the bottom of the stairs, it’s clear to me that there was no final, two things! In fact, there was no list! Once again, I’ve fooled myself into waking up!
And now, here it is at 3:30am and I’m still awake.
… I figured I’d share it, make my waking up somewhat worth it…
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
What is friendship…?
It’s an odd topic for someone who has lost so many friends over the years but bear with and, if you’re not lucky, you may learn something before we’re done. So, let’s get going, okay?
…. where was I?
This is definitely one of those things I think about once and end up writing about in a book later on. I was at Taco Bell today. I ordered my Spicy Chicken Burritos and prepared to abscond with a hefty booty of hot sauce packets. (It is the height of irony that I end up paying for eating all those hot sauces in that very same place, too…) Then, this guy drove up through the drive thru and I realized two things about this guy. First, he’s a new customer; he’s never been there before. Second, he’s talking to the guy taking his order as though they were long time friends.
That got me thinking, of course. You see, most of us treat life as a series of transactions. I know I’m guilty of that. I transacted with the guy at Taco Bell. I transacted with my instructor, Mr. Ring, tonight. Transacting is the act of engaging with another person for an expected result. I expect that ordering food from Taco Bell will get me my supper. Paying attention to Mr. Ring’s lecture will help me pass his final. (I’m hoping.)
I see most people going through life this way.
But this guy in the drive thru got me thinking. What happens when we don’t engage others for the expect result but, rather, engage with them without expecting a result of any kind. There’s an obvious answer here and that is “This is friendship”. Obviously.
But I’d like to take this a step forward. What’s on my mind tonight is not “Why don’t more of us act that way, and engage with people without expecting a result?” Rather, I can’t help wondering “Why do so many of us treat life as a series of transactions?” What prevents us from being friendly? What holds us back?
… I don’t know where that’s going. I’m just wondering.
…. where was I?
This is definitely one of those things I think about once and end up writing about in a book later on. I was at Taco Bell today. I ordered my Spicy Chicken Burritos and prepared to abscond with a hefty booty of hot sauce packets. (It is the height of irony that I end up paying for eating all those hot sauces in that very same place, too…) Then, this guy drove up through the drive thru and I realized two things about this guy. First, he’s a new customer; he’s never been there before. Second, he’s talking to the guy taking his order as though they were long time friends.
That got me thinking, of course. You see, most of us treat life as a series of transactions. I know I’m guilty of that. I transacted with the guy at Taco Bell. I transacted with my instructor, Mr. Ring, tonight. Transacting is the act of engaging with another person for an expected result. I expect that ordering food from Taco Bell will get me my supper. Paying attention to Mr. Ring’s lecture will help me pass his final. (I’m hoping.)
I see most people going through life this way.
But this guy in the drive thru got me thinking. What happens when we don’t engage others for the expect result but, rather, engage with them without expecting a result of any kind. There’s an obvious answer here and that is “This is friendship”. Obviously.
But I’d like to take this a step forward. What’s on my mind tonight is not “Why don’t more of us act that way, and engage with people without expecting a result?” Rather, I can’t help wondering “Why do so many of us treat life as a series of transactions?” What prevents us from being friendly? What holds us back?
… I don’t know where that’s going. I’m just wondering.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Corporate Lobbyists? Don’t mind if I do!…
John McCain has been mythologized as the straight-talking maverick who fights special interests but the facts tell a very different story.
Here’s a great chart that shows all of the corporate lobbyists McCain has running is campaign. These are the people at the handle of flushing our nation down the toilet.
Fight special interests? Sure. He fights them with LOVE!
Here’s a great chart that shows all of the corporate lobbyists McCain has running is campaign. These are the people at the handle of flushing our nation down the toilet.
Fight special interests? Sure. He fights them with LOVE!
Yahoo… Let’s Panic!…
Okay, I admit it. Right now probably isn’t the best time to be alive.
Global Warming.
Global Food Riots.
A nation in deep denia – er, recession.
(And, I’m unemployed and haven’t sold a book, yet!)
But do people really have to encourage panic? Yahoo is telling people to start stockpiling food, for crying out loud. Are we there, yet?
… okay, but do we have to be all negative about it?
Global Warming.
Global Food Riots.
A nation in deep denia – er, recession.
(And, I’m unemployed and haven’t sold a book, yet!)
But do people really have to encourage panic? Yahoo is telling people to start stockpiling food, for crying out loud. Are we there, yet?
… okay, but do we have to be all negative about it?
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Fuck you, Ruby Tuesday’s…
I don’t know if you have a Ruby Tuesday’s near you. I don’t care. This is just another sign of how fucking stupid we’ve become in America if they actually think we believe this shit.
Okay, so I’m watching TV and this idiotic commercial comes on for – you wanna take a guess? – and they start spouting off about how they make hamburgers out of meat that has NEVER BEEN FROZEN. Okay? Should I repeat that? It’s NEVER BEEN FROZEN!
So, what do they expect us to believe?
That they ship live cows to each location for slaughter – the minute they have the need for enough ground beef that they’ll use an entire cow?
Or maybe that they do slaughter their cows remotely – or buy their beef remotely to be more realistic – only then they truck it in the bed of a very old U-haul truck – a very warm U-haul truck – over the course of 10-15 days, because the drivers keep getting lost but that’s okay BECAUSE THEIR MEAT IS MAGIC?
Or maybe we should just assume that it’s just not fucking beef!
I just want to slap these people.
Okay, so I’m watching TV and this idiotic commercial comes on for – you wanna take a guess? – and they start spouting off about how they make hamburgers out of meat that has NEVER BEEN FROZEN. Okay? Should I repeat that? It’s NEVER BEEN FROZEN!
So, what do they expect us to believe?
That they ship live cows to each location for slaughter – the minute they have the need for enough ground beef that they’ll use an entire cow?
Or maybe that they do slaughter their cows remotely – or buy their beef remotely to be more realistic – only then they truck it in the bed of a very old U-haul truck – a very warm U-haul truck – over the course of 10-15 days, because the drivers keep getting lost but that’s okay BECAUSE THEIR MEAT IS MAGIC?
Or maybe we should just assume that it’s just not fucking beef!
I just want to slap these people.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
What debate is all about…
So, it seems that after tonight’s debate, broadcast on the network that brought you 9/11 propaganda as history, the issues seem to be that Barack Obama doesn’t wear the right pins and people he knows say the wrong things. Holy shit! Someone stop this man!
On top of the list were accusations about Mr. William Ayres who was alleged for having been part of a radical group… when Obama was eight years old.
Why that mother fucker.
Meanwhile, Clinton sounds ready to go to war with Iran next Thursday. Surely, she appears far more presidential. Look! She has the correct pin!
Pardon my snark but I get this way when I see this kind of shit.
On top of the list were accusations about Mr. William Ayres who was alleged for having been part of a radical group… when Obama was eight years old.
Why that mother fucker.
Meanwhile, Clinton sounds ready to go to war with Iran next Thursday. Surely, she appears far more presidential. Look! She has the correct pin!
Pardon my snark but I get this way when I see this kind of shit.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Like 1981, but older…
Here’s something you might not have known: I used to be a runner.
…
… stop laughing.
Seriously. Track team and everything. I would have lettered in my Freshman year (way the fuck back in 1981) had our football coach not been such a dick. (Long story.) Anyway, I used to love to run. Even after I was out of track, I’d go for runs on my own… you know… until I started smoking… yes, yes, I know!
So, what does this have to do with today, you ask? (Go ahead. Ask.) Well, this morning I jogged nearly 5 ¼ miles at the gym. Granted, it took 1 ¼ hours, but I am rather proud of myself just the same.
I’m not doing nearly as well as Jenn. (Whose blog you should check out and provide your support!) But then, she wasn’t a smoker… of cigarettes… with tobacco… the legal kind…
I’m nearly at my 1/3rd of a year mark for quitting and I’m doing great. I haven’t cheated and I’m back to where I can run every day (when I don’t get lazy, that is). Does this mean I’ll never smoke again? I’m still not ready to say that. If Clostio stepped back into my life, I’d probably smoke tomorrow. If Murphy came for a visit… maybe… though he’s less likely to try and get me started again.
It just feels good to know I can do it. I can run. I can refrain from smoking… as much as I might love it… as much as every cigarette is like a dream… as much – sorry, what was I saying?…
Let’s hope this running pays off soon, too, because it would be nice to be less of a fat-ass… (okay, that’s next on my list!)
…
… stop laughing.
Seriously. Track team and everything. I would have lettered in my Freshman year (way the fuck back in 1981) had our football coach not been such a dick. (Long story.) Anyway, I used to love to run. Even after I was out of track, I’d go for runs on my own… you know… until I started smoking… yes, yes, I know!
So, what does this have to do with today, you ask? (Go ahead. Ask.) Well, this morning I jogged nearly 5 ¼ miles at the gym. Granted, it took 1 ¼ hours, but I am rather proud of myself just the same.
I’m not doing nearly as well as Jenn. (Whose blog you should check out and provide your support!) But then, she wasn’t a smoker… of cigarettes… with tobacco… the legal kind…
I’m nearly at my 1/3rd of a year mark for quitting and I’m doing great. I haven’t cheated and I’m back to where I can run every day (when I don’t get lazy, that is). Does this mean I’ll never smoke again? I’m still not ready to say that. If Clostio stepped back into my life, I’d probably smoke tomorrow. If Murphy came for a visit… maybe… though he’s less likely to try and get me started again.
It just feels good to know I can do it. I can run. I can refrain from smoking… as much as I might love it… as much as every cigarette is like a dream… as much – sorry, what was I saying?…
Let’s hope this running pays off soon, too, because it would be nice to be less of a fat-ass… (okay, that’s next on my list!)
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Not that there's anything wrong with that...
So, is it just me or does McCain's wife look eerily similar to a cyborg? (New series, not old series.) I mean, you take out those contacts that cover her red eyes and...
I'm just saying...
I'm just saying...
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