Full Circle

Personally, I'd be surprised if there was another My Side after this one. We started this trip a couple years ago and it appears to be coming to a close. My Side always was a "post-Rosa" project but now my life has changed in so many ways that terms like "post-Rosa" do not apply. Anything including Rosa does not apply. You get it? She so out of my life, she's out of my lingo.
My world is now about Ken & Vicky and Vicky & Ken and all the combos therein.

Which is not to say I can't still squeeze out one more My Side for you. I've always felt this should end with one more Rosa story and it turns out it will.

Stick with me, we're going fast.

Two years ago, I lent Rosa $10,000. She said she'd pay be back in six months, with interest. She never paid me back.

Follow me so far?

So, during the first part of this year, I really had to question how much I wanted that money. Hey, $10,000 and change is a huge sack of money. I could use that, you know? Then, of course, I realized it was about more than the money. Rosa had done it again, taken from me with no concern for how it might affect me. I decided I wouldn't give her that pleasure. After watching her ruin my life for 15 years, I decided I would stand up for myself this time.

Well, that's when the court case began. Now, I know I haven't been mentioning this, so it might come as quite a surprise. But, look, what was I going to say? Really? I didn't know what was going to happen until it happened.

… Which is not say it did…

Anyway, I got an attorney who made Rosa a very generous offer: Sign a lien on the property so that when she sold/refi-ed the house, I'd get the money. It wouldn't cost her a thing. Very fair, right? Wrong. She refused. Then, we found out she had refi-ed (add this to years when she had the money but simply didn't want me to have it), and all bets were off. We filed for a trial date.

Then, Rosa got an attorney and we learned how she would defend herself - by crucifying me. Big surprise, huh? Basically, their plan is to assassinate my character in the hopes the judge will favor them. (See, I'm relying on things like FACTS and PROOF…)

The court date was last Thursday and I spent the entire week getting stressed out. As it turned out, they had to reschedule - they didn't even show up in court! Well, the case was rescheduled to 10/13/2005, three days before my 40th birthday, and long after the last My Side - that's why I'm writing this, you see?

So, I have a couple months of looking forward to seeing her again and she's come full circle, from hating her to loving her to hating her again…. Right?

Fast forward to Saturday. Bachelor Party. The poker game breaks up at 2:30 am and everybody leaves. I'm saying my good-byes, totally drunk and totally blacked-out - right, I don't remember a word of it! (Scary, huh?) Tim and are sticking around in the hotel. He passes out in his bed pretty damned pronto but I'm wide awake… and this I can remember. I started talking to him, babbling really, for about a half hour, pacing back and forth before him, smoking a chain of cigarettes, and drinking a ton of water. (Yes, I didn't remember to do that until then…)

Before I tell you the gist of it, stop eating or drinking… sit down… okay? Here's the gist: I miss Rosa. I honestly do. I miss having her in my life. I miss the continuity I had with my past. I miss (here's the big one) what I thought was the person I knew. I miss thinking I had a marriage once with a person who loved me. I miss the person I thought was decent and good. My second point was one often repeated: I love Vicky so much. I am such a lucky guy to have found someone who is so good to me and just so good, such a warm, decent, funny, and downright good person. I lucked out big time and I won't forget it.

Sean drove Tim and I back to my house the next morning. I was PAINFULLY hung over. Vicky was cleaning the patio, looking really sexy in a 1970's porn, sweaty/sexy kinda way. We talked that night, last night, about some of the years this blog had covered and I told her I honestly don't know how I made it. How did I live through years of insomnia, nightmares, sleepwalking, depression, fear, loneliness, and despair? How the hell did I do it?

Well, I did do it and I worked like hell. A new chapter in my life will be opening soon and we'll get a new Blog.

I wonder how many people read this Blog hoping for a happy ending. Well, this might not be the one you were expecting, but I couldn’t be happier with it.