Monday, February 25, 2008

The first 60 days…

I’ve almost been afraid to say this because I might “jinx” it or something.

But, here goes… Today I officially start my third month of not smoking. That’s right. I haven’t had a ciggie in two months.

You can close your mouths now.

I’m really proud of myself so far and hope to keep things going. In case you’re wondering how you can quit, too…

Quitting Smoking Ken’s Way

1) Get sick. Get really sick. Pneumonia’s good. Get that.
2) How do you like smoking now?
3) Pretty fucked up, huh?
4) Okay, now here comes the hard part.
5) Once you’re better… don’t smoke.
6) Keep not smoking.
7) Yeah, this is fucked up, too.
8) The whole thing is fucked up.
9) Fuck this! I want a smoke!
10) Wait! Hold on! You’re not smoking. Remember?
11) Think of all the benefits your body experiences by not smoking.
12) Face it. You’re a mess. You need all the help you can get.
13) After you gain 30 pounds in the first week, resolve to hit the gym.
14) Now, go to the gym.
15) Now, go inside.
16) Now, get on a machine.
17) Any machine.
18) Just pick one.
19) No, not that one. The other one.
20) There. Doesn’t that feel better?
21) No, don’t just sit there.
22) Take up jogging.
23) Feel your lungs hurt? That’s what smoking has done to your lungs. You’d probably be better of not jogging.
24) Keep it up anyway. Isn’t this fun?
25) What do you mean, “It starts with an F – U?”
26) Oh, I get it. Really funny.
27) Still want to smoke? That’s okay. Just cut off a digit every time you get the urge.
28) Sure, you can include toes.
29) Learn how to type with your nose.

Yes, I’m feeling great. Can’t wait for month three.

Mind you, if Clostio was around, he’d probably reward me with a ciggie… (I had to get that one jibe in. The jerk hasn’t spoken to me in a year!)

Friday, February 22, 2008

Change you can Xerox…

If you didn’t hear Hillary say it, you’ve probably heard about her saying it by now. Amidst the tsunami of analysis, I’d like to take just a moment of your time because there’s something everyone seems to be missing. Let me be the first to say it.

“That’s okay, too.”

Listen, let’s imagine for a minute that it’s true. Okay? Let’s imagine that Barak Obama is Xeroxing all the great speeches from wise men throughout history. Let’s imagine that he writes not one word but that he simply recites the wisdom of the ages. Imagine that.

Now, what’s the problem?

We currently have an administration that eschews wisdom, that avoids hopes, that shreds the profound, and dances on the destruction of our collective intelligence. To have anyone, man, woman, or Beagle, who stands by the wisdom of the ages and is inspired enough to want to make that message his own would be an amazing improvement over the system of lies, corruption, and evil that presently exists.

So, at worst, Barak Obama is led by the wisdom of others.

Put that man in jail.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Lobbyist's for McCain...

Have you heard about this New York Time’s story about McCain and a lobbyist?

Call me cynical but doesn’t it feel like his people planted this to gain him a little street cred amongst the hard right? It doesn’t seem to make any sense any other way.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The idiots come out against Obama…

Looks like McCain’s going to get the idiot vote. Dammit. Obama’s doomed to fail now.

Vicky was forwarded an email from a “friend” today that basically, in that supremely intelligent way idiots have of cutting and pasting another person’s thoughts without thinking of something of their own, respewed the same bile Michelle Malkin spewed about Barak’s wife.
In that “No We Can’t” spirit, he prefaced it with How a real thinker doesn't get caught up in the "we can do it"!

God forbid anyone get inspired by hope.

Now, you’re probably wondering about the ironic part. Here it is. The ironic part is this is the same Michelle Malkin who authored the book applauding America’s history of imprisoning the innocent and ignoring the rule of law. Apparently, these are the kinds of things she enjoys being proud of. Well, it’s not too much of a stretch, then, to see that she would be proud of illegal wars in Iraq, torture, mercantilism, and various other war crimes. Yep, that Malkin chick sure has her priorities straight!

Why get “caught up” in hope when you have things like war crimes you can revel in?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

That’s Motivation…

This morning. 4:30am.

A very fine drizzle fell on me as I walked from my car into the gym. I passed my card over to the employee.

He said, “Good morning.”

I said, “Good morning.” And then, I let out a great, big yawn. I hadn’t wanted to but, seriously, it was 4:30am.

We both laughed and he said, “Now, that’s motivation! Good for you!”

It was a nice moment, and it reminded me what a good job I’m doing – not smoking, eating right, hitting the gym just about every day. I can’t wait until I actually lose some weight and have something to show for it, you know?

Friday, February 15, 2008

Shrub keeps trying to hold us hostage...

It's called Terrorism. That is what our President practices.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

He was against torture before he was for it...

Looks like McCain wants to be the Pro-War and Pro-Torture candidate because he voted against making torture illegal, which was legislation he himself supported up until just a few months ago!

Has the moratorium on the term "Flip Flopper" expired, yet? Can we use that?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Tits and Ass…

(Every year, I am required to write at least one entry that makes me look despicable. Here's this year's entry.)

It’s the day before Valentine’s Day and I figured it would be a good time to say this.

Middle-aged men should not go to college. Married middle-aged men (like me) should be restricted with extreme prejudice.

Here’s the thing: I go to Cal State Fullerton every Tuesday and Saturday for class. Every time I walk on that campus, my jaw drops a little, my libido boils a little, and my wedding ring constricts. I didn’t choose CSF for this reason but it is filled with beautiful, young – there’s some hot chicks, Jack! Swear to DOG! I got one chick in my Kid’s TV class who fills a sweater like you wouldn’t believe – not immense, just perfect. And there’s a girl in my Greek Philosophy class who epitomizes why evolution gave us legs. All across the campus, I am surrounded by the most amazing examples of femininity. It’s fucking awesome.

And I am 42 years old.

Now, don’t get the idea I’m drooling over these girls or staring at them, but you can’t help but notice and the drooling is all done on the inside. Listen, married men are still men, you know?

This is why you go to college in your twenties – so you enjoy partake of the fruit! I am old enough to be the father of most of these girls. I’m the old fart. And I get that, but geeeez, what lovely scenery!

Now, Vicky’s going to read this – and you’re probably thinking “You know, Vicky’s going to read this” – but believe me when I tell you she’d check me into a mental hospital if I didn’t notice these girls. There’s something wrong with any man who doesn’t see a women and not think, on some level at least, “Hmmmm…. Maybe….”

Of course, when I’m at school, it’s more like, “Shit, yeah.” “Hell, yeah.” “Fuck, yes.” “God damn.” “Holy shit.” and, of course, “Daddy wants candy.”

I’m an old perv.

But this will end when I get my degree… 30 or 40 years from now…

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Because who needs the Constitution anyway...

Not only did they give Shrub everything he wanted, they did it on an election day. Illegal Wiretapping - Immunity - the whole kaboodle.

Seriously, are there just REPUBLICANS and republicans? What the hell happened to the Democrats?

Potomac Tuesday…

Another primary. Another reason to weigh in. Those who know me know I am a political junky. Vicky’s no football widow but she can’t understand why I get so crazy every time people cast votes.

So, what have we got? Well, we have two people in each of the two parties that has a chance in hell of winning. Normally, I’d be in with the Greens despite their lack of organization. Listen, folks, if there was a better party on the left, I’d change teams. The truth, though, is that for all of their disorganization, the Greens still have the best platform when it comes to ethics, honesty, and truth. Winning at any price just isn’t in there.

There’s still a chance I’ll vote for the Green candidate. But Obama has shown me enough to make me pause for a minute. (In this case, it’s a minute that lasts for the next nine months or so…)

So, what about Obama? He had a great run with this weekend’s primaries. His numbers are going up. He is “da man”. Clinton, on the other hand… is Clinton, nobody to “misunderestimate” (as our Village Idiot of a President has told us). It seems very clear that Obama is going to need Texas, probably Ohio and Virginia as well, is he wants the nomination. He gets this, most likely, with Edwards’ support, and if you look at their platforms it’s a good fit. Don’t worry about those Super Delegates. Once Clinton loses some more states, especially if she loses Texas, they will go Obama’s way.

On to the Republibots, who are acting especially robotic in not accepting their front runner, John McCain. They think he’s not “conservative” enough – as if holding up this puppet prez we got could be called liberal. Actually, Vicky and I were at breakfast on Sunday and listened to a gaggle of wizened, old, conservative women discuss how they should have been paying attention to McCain instead of Hillary because now they’re stuck with both “liberals”, and then lament about how much they loved Romney. This goes to show how easily duped they are. Anyone who calls Clinton, let alone McCain, a “liberal” does not know the meaning of the word. But this probably explains the increasing popularity of Huckleberry, the man who said he’d institute a Theocracy. But when you’re forced to choose between that and a Hundred-Year War (which was McCain’s suggestion about the middle east), well I guess Theocracy wins every time.

Anyway, I’m having fun watching the proceedings. Looks like the political season may last longer than football season, which for me lasts a few weeks. (Did I not mention I’m not a sports nut?)

Monday, February 11, 2008

You can call me Ray…

Maybe it’s just me, but have you ever met someone whose name doesn’t fit?

Back in high school, I had a make-up girl (it was my first play) whose name was Cheryl but “Susan” just fit her much better. She didn’t look like a Cheryl. She looked like a Susan. So, I called her Susan – and I was the only person who was allowed, by the way. (Suave and clueless all in one package!)

Well, it’s happened again. There’s this guy at work whose name is Ali. Oddly, he looks like an Ali. He sounds like an Ali, too. But I keep wanting to call him “Ray”. I say, “Good morning, Ra- Ali.”

Son of a bitch, you know?

So, here’s hoping I’m not the only person with this problem. Otherwise, I might have to talk to my wife…. Vicky…. Cause I don’t even DARE make that joke!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Dumbocrats - it's trademarked!...

So, the country is facing record deficits and a war we can't possibly pay for and in the face of a Republican party dead set on giving away any money we might have, we know we can rely on the Dumbocrats...

To give away even more!!!

This is a lot like a family with a mountain of debt charging all the ice cream they can eat on their VISA card.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Speaking of war crimes...

Secret military prisons where people can be illegally detained for the rest of their lives?

Yeah, we have them, too.

Monday, February 04, 2008

A man of many words… too many…

This has always been a problem.

Diarrhea of the mouth, they used to call it. Now, it’s diarrhea of the fingers… well, it would be except that sounds gross

The thing is, I received a rejection letter for my book, Climbing Maya, yesterday. Climbing Maya is about 90,000 words long. This publisher said they couldn’t use any book that was over 70,000 words. Normally, I’d have no objection to shortening the book a little but, in this case, that’s nearly a quarter! Climbing Maya was just too damned long!

Everything I had previously read seemed to point to 100k words as the length you’d need for a novel but how many words is it, really?

Yahoo Answers has a variety of… well, call them Answers at your peril.

They give numbers from 50k up to 80k. Truth be told, then, I might have been going a little long.

If that’s the case, though, I do have some good news as well. My present novel, Last Ditch, was laid out initially with an 80k word count. After this email, though, I’m dropping it down to 75k. Daughter of a One-Armed Man clocks in at 93k but I can edit that down to 85k pretty easily. Wormfood already clocks in at a tidy 76k. The new strategy, then, will be on shorter books with (obviously) tighter stories.

You know, cause one of these days publication would be nice. Honestly.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Vicky sent me one of these once...

... but, of course, she did it on piano.

I mean, she played the song on the piano.