Wednesday, January 30, 2008


In the aftermath of Monday’s SoU Address, which had better be Shrub’s final SoU – no declaring martial law, please! – things got messy.

As the song goes, there’s got to be a morning after. In our case, it was a mourning. Vicky was up part of the night, talking herself out of throwing up. I greeted the dawn with pure and painful hatred. You see, Vicky and I had started the speech agreeing that we would just enjoy a bottle of wine. No shots for us! No! Then, one bottle turned into two; we needed fortification through Shrub’s complete insanity. Then, as he somehow threaded together multiple key words – “We must stop the terrorists in Iraq who attacked on September 11th from Al Qaeda who – drink, goddamn it! DRINK!” – well, we just had to take out the tequila and commence with the drinking.

Yep… wine and tequila…

Welcome to hangover country.

The problem with Shrub’s speech wasn’t just that he was a lame duck but how filled with lies the damn thing was! It was a lie sandwich with a side of lies! The sheer scope of his lies was so epic as to refute any attempt at categorization but, suffice it to say, whenever he tried to attribute anything positive to his administration, it made me want to drink. And I really wanted someone to smack him. Hey, Nancy Pelosi! Do us all a favor for a change, will ya?!

One day later came the Florida primary. If I hadn’t gotten drunk the night before, I would have last night. The political field gets sorrier every day. Let’s recap.

On the Republican side, McCain won. McCain likes to be known as a maverick but he’s succeeded in making nice to the party that blackballed him eight years ago just fine. He sided with Bush on the war. He sided with Bush on the "surge". He sided with Bush on the flushing of the Constitution. He almost spoke out against torture but then made nice because he wanted to get Shrub’s job. McCain is a maverick like I’m an NBA star. He wants to keep funding an unwinnable war on the back of our grand-children. No, thank you. After him comes Romney, “Mittens” as Rachel Maddow calls him. (And, by the way, I just love Rachel. She is terrific, fantastic – she’s smart and funny on toast.) Mittens will change any view to get another vote, even if it costs him two more, because he has the money to spread any lie about the other guy he needs to win. He is not what you would call “Mister Dignity”. That brings us to Huckleberry, the guy who isn’t shy about turning our government from a messy democracy into a neat and tidy theocracy. Finally, the only person to pull double digits in Florida was Guliani. Here’s a guy who thinks that losing every primary on the way to Florida will help him win Florida. Here’s a shock: he lost Florida, too! Rumor has it he’s dropping out of the race. Thank god! When your only winning attribute is having your city attacked, odds are you’re not the Captain of Security you think you are, okay?

Now, the Dems. I don’t know where to start. So, ladies first. I read today that Edwards was dropping out of the race – What? There are no ladies! – and I have to say that it’s a shame. It’s also understandable. The fact is that Edwards is a perfectly viable candidate. He’d make a good president, far superior to that empty suit who currently inhabits the Oval Office. The problem is all about timing. Edwards is a good man but the thing is his timing stinks. He just happened to run in a year when he’s up against Barack Obama. More on that in a minute. As for Clinton, I am ashamed. Last night any support I had for her went away when she admitted to cheating. She said that she would make sure the Florida delegates were seated at the convention, when the primary rules state that they are not to be. (If you don’t understand why, you must read up!) Clinton wants to change the rules to work in her favor, which we all know from Kobayashi Maru is cheating. Our President should be an honorable person, a person who stands by what is right when the chips are down, rather than trying to change the facts to match a preconceived plan…. which sounds a lot like Shrub…

And that leaves Barack Obama. I wish Edwards wasn’t dropping out of the race because he’s a very good man but I can tolerate it because it leaves Barack Obama. If I were to vote for a Democrat – keeping in mind only two remain – it would be Barack. Simply put, we need him. We haven’t seen his like in my lifetime. If he can keep from getting shot, he’ll probably make a great president. Sadly, that’s not a joke. We live in a country filled with hateful people. I might not vote for Barack – I’m not a Dem, after all – but I hope he does win. (Greens aren’t known for voting for winners. They vote their conscience.)

And so, we’re through two days of rough, political events. Next week comes Super Tuesday… this is like the halfway mark in the political season. It probably won’t decide the candidate but it is bound to illuminate things quite a bit.

I can’t wait!

Monday, January 28, 2008

In case you missed Mr. Obama's speech on Saturday...

Without too much as prelude, let me just say that Barack Obama is giving me some hope in an otherwise depressing election cycle. What follows is a transcript of his speech given Saturday, January 26, 2008.

Over two weeks ago, we saw the people of Iowa proclaim that our time for change has come. But there were those who doubted this country’s desire for something new – who said Iowa was a fluke not to be repeated again.

Well, tonight, the cynics who believed that what began in the snows of Iowa was just an illusion were told a different story by the good people of South Carolina.

After four great contests in every corner of this country, we have the most votes, the most delegates, and the most diverse coalition of Americans we’ve seen in a long, long time.

They are young and old; rich and poor. They are black and white; Latino and Asian. They are Democrats from Des Moines and Independents from Concord; Republicans from rural Nevada and young people across this country who’ve never had a reason to participate until now. And in nine days, nearly half the nation will have the chance to join us in saying that we are tired of business-as-usual in Washington, we are hungry for change, and we are ready to believe again.

But if there’s anything we’ve been reminded of since Iowa, it’s that the kind of change we seek will not come easy. Partly because we have fine candidates in the field – fierce competitors, worthy of respect. And as contentious as this campaign may get, we have to remember that this is a contest for the Democratic nomination, and that all of us share an abiding desire to end the disastrous policies of the current administration.

But there are real differences between the candidates. We are looking for more than just a change of party in the White House. We’re looking to fundamentally change the status quo in Washington – a status quo that extends beyond any particular party. And right now, that status quo is fighting back with everything it’s got; with the same old tactics that divide and distract us from solving the problems people face, whether those problems are health care they can’t afford or a mortgage they cannot pay.

So this will not be easy. Make no mistake about what we’re up against.

We are up against the belief that it’s ok for lobbyists to dominate our government – that they are just part of the system in Washington. But we know that the undue influence of lobbyists is part of the problem, and this election is our chance to say that we’re not going to let them stand in our way anymore.

We are up against the conventional thinking that says your ability to lead as President comes from longevity in Washington or proximity to the White House. But we know that real leadership is about candor, and judgment, and the ability to rally Americans from all walks of life around a common purpose – a higher purpose.

We are up against decades of bitter partisanship that cause politicians to demonize their opponents instead of coming together to make college affordable or energy cleaner; it’s the kind of partisanship where you’re not even allowed to say that a Republican had an idea – even if it’s one you never agreed with. That kind of politics is bad for our party, it’s bad for our country, and this is our chance to end it once and for all.

We are up against the idea that it’s acceptable to say anything and do anything to win an election. We know that this is exactly what’s wrong with our politics; this is why people don’t believe what their leaders say anymore; this is why they tune out. And this election is our chance to give the American people a reason to believe again.

And what we’ve seen in these last weeks is that we’re also up against forces that are not the fault of any one campaign, but feed the habits that prevent us from being who we want to be as a nation. It’s the politics that uses religion as a wedge, and patriotism as a bludgeon. A politics that tells us that we have to think, act, and even vote within the confines of the categories that supposedly define us. The assumption that young people are apathetic. The assumption that Republicans won’t cross over. The assumption that the wealthy care nothing for the poor, and that the poor don’t vote. The assumption that African-Americans can’t support the white candidate; whites can’t support the African-American candidate; blacks and Latinos can’t come together.

But we are here tonight to say that this is not the America we believe in. I did not travel around this state over the last year and see a white South Carolina or a black South Carolina. I saw South Carolina. I saw crumbling schools that are stealing the future of black children and white children. I saw shuttered mills and homes for sale that once belonged to Americans from all walks of life, and men and women of every color and creed who serve together, and fight together, and bleed together under the same proud flag. I saw what America is, and I believe in what this country can be.

That is the country I see. That is the country you see. But now it is up to us to help the entire nation embrace this vision. Because in the end, we are not just up against the ingrained and destructive habits of Washington, we are also struggling against our own doubts, our own fears, and our own cynicism. The change we seek has always required great struggle and sacrifice. And so this is a battle in our own hearts and minds about what kind of country we want and how hard we’re willing to work for it.

So let me remind you tonight that change will not be easy. That change will take time. There will be setbacks, and false starts, and sometimes we will make mistakes. But as hard as it may seem, we cannot lose hope. Because there are people all across this country who are counting us; who can’t afford another four years without health care or good schools or decent wages because our leaders couldn’t come together and get it done.

Theirs are the stories and voices we carry on from South Carolina.

The mother who can’t get Medicaid to cover all the needs of her sick child – she needs us to pass a health care plan that cuts costs and makes health care available and affordable for every single American.

The teacher who works another shift at Dunkin Donuts after school just to make ends meet – she needs us to reform our education system so that she gets better pay, and more support, and her students get the resources they need to achieve their dreams.

The Maytag worker who is now competing with his own teenager for a $7-an-hour job at Wal-Mart because the factory he gave his life to shut its doors – he needs us to stop giving tax breaks to companies that ship our jobs overseas and start putting them in the pockets of working Americans who deserve it. And struggling homeowners. And seniors who should retire with dignity and respect.

The woman who told me that she hasn’t been able to breathe since the day her nephew left for Iraq, or the soldier who doesn’t know his child because he’s on his third or fourth tour of duty – they need us to come together and put an end to a war that should’ve never been authorized and never been waged.

The choice in this election is not between regions or religions or genders. It’s not about rich versus poor; young versus old; and it is not about black versus white.

It’s about the past versus the future.

It’s about whether we settle for the same divisions and distractions and drama that passes for politics today, or whether we reach for a politics of common sense, and innovation – a shared sacrifice and shared prosperity.

There are those who will continue to tell us we cannot do this. That we cannot have what we long for. That we are peddling false hopes.

But here’s what I know. I know that when people say we can’t overcome all the big money and influence in Washington, I think of the elderly woman who sent me a contribution the other day – an envelope that had a money order for $3.01 along with a verse of scripture tucked inside. So don’t tell us change isn’t possible.

When I hear the cynical talk that blacks and whites and Latinos can’t join together and work together, I’m reminded of the Latino brothers and sisters I organized with, and stood with, and fought with side by side for jobs and justice on the streets of Chicago. So don’t tell us change can’t happen.

When I hear that we’ll never overcome the racial divide in our politics, I think about that Republican woman who used to work for Strom Thurmond, who’s now devoted to educating inner-city children and who went out onto the streets of South Carolina and knocked on doors for this campaign. Don’t tell me we can’t change.

Yes we can change.

Yes we can heal this nation.

Yes we can seize our future.

And as we leave this state with a new wind at our backs, and take this journey across the country we love with the message we’ve carried from the plains of Iowa to the hills of New Hampshire; from the Nevada desert to the South Carolina coast; the same message we had when we were up and when we were down – that out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope; and where we are met with cynicism, and doubt, and those who tell us that we can’t, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people in three simple words:

Yes. We. Can.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Am I sick or is this funny?...

So, a teenager was arrested for plotting to highjack a commercial airliner and crash it into a Hannah Montana concert.

And I think this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.

Am I wrong? Or am I just plain wrong?

Thursday, January 24, 2008

State of the Union… the drinking game…

Last year, Vicky and I had a great time watching Shrub give the State of the Union Address…

Wait. Don’t get me wrong here. We hate Shrub – can’t stand the man and his evil brand of hate mongering. No, it wasn’t him we enjoyed watching.

We enjoyed drinking. It dulls the pain of living under a Bush Regime. We can’t wait for 2009, for someone to trim that Bush! Hell, lazer that shit(head) off!

For those of you who are looking to join us this year, here’s what you do. It’s very easy. Whenever Shrub says any of the following words, take a drink. We’ll shorten the list this year because last year, to be honest, we got pretty hammered... and we'll probably be drinkin tequila this time... so... here's the list:

September 11


About these tax rebates...

Are you buying this?

Last time Shrub gave rebates, we had a surplus to help keep the government running. Now, the Repugnicons have said from the beginning of the century that their plan was to starve the government so it could no longer afford to provide essential services such as welfare and social security - you know, the things they hate.

Now that the economy is tanking, they and the Dumbocrats(TM) decided it was a great time to give away more money they don't have.

Seriously. Do you think we'll never have to pay for the war? It's costing us over $340 million a day now. Do you really think spending $300 extra bucks will help things?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Bush lies? No, he makes “false statements”…

We’ve known about this for years: Bush lied/people died. Granted, we’re not going to do a damn thing about it, but there it is.

A new article on Yahoo shows that Shrub’s administration lied on 935 different occasions. Oh, wait. No. He didn’t “lie”. He “made false statements”. Because, you know, we wouldn’t want to attribute any actual blame for these “false statements”. No, they happened completely in a vacuum.

Fine. Whatever. Now that we know it was all bullshit, who is going to get us the hell out of Iraq?

... and in case you still don't believe it or know someone who still does not believe it - basically, for those of you who have been living beneath a rock - take a look at this.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

An Apology to the Military… no, seriously…

Back in high school, I was made an official member of a Conscientious Objector group in Orange County as a result of some columns I wrote in the school paper. So, it’s clear that I’ve kept a clear distance from the military for quite some time.

For the purposes of this blog, however, let me make something clear. I hate the military. I don’t hate military personnel – we’ll get to that – but I do hate the military. In the US, it’s overblown, overemphasized, and overdone. We now make war on a whim and finance it on the backs of our great-grandchildren. For those defenders who would say they do some good, I’m looking at New Orleans and thinking “Not so much.” So, as an organization that is trained to kill human beings, I hate the military. As for military personnel, I do not hate them but I wouldn’t want to spend my free time with them. These are people who felt that the best they could do with their lives is to be trained to kill human beings – not my group. Are they beyond redemption? Probably not. Should they be given the chance? You bet. But when it comes to the military, I don’t want anything to do with them.

Does this include the National Guard? Probably not. After all, there is a chance some join to help others… with the whole killing thing as just a side benefit…

You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all of this up front, aren’t you? Well, the reason is because, starting today, I am now managing a department that markets directly to the military. Yep. Go ahead. Say it. I deserve it. Without going into details, I am managing the marketing of programs and products to military spouses. These are people who marry those who feel that the best they can do with their lives is to be trained to kill human beings. Now, I know that you can’t choose who you fall in love with but I am also willing to guess that I probably wouldn’t get along on a personal level. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m better than them… oh, wait…. Actually, yes. I am saying I’m better than them. Sorry, but I think that the path I’ve chosen – to not kill or be with a killer – is preferable.

Which, again, makes me as a result of the job I now have, something of a two-faced asshole son of a bitch… etc. etc. etc.

Granted, I did not choose this role. In fact, I’ve fought it tooth and nail. Here’s the problem, though: I’m good at what I do.

I’m not going to be the only hypocrite in the lot, most likely. Marketing to the military has become big business, megabig! Everyone’s on the band wagon. I’m not saying that to excuse what I’m doing. I’m saying that because I think it’s important that you know something: We have a segment of our economy that is devoted solely to the business of killing and profiting from killing. That us, the good old USofA.

And quite frankly, it makes me sick.

And I’m beginning to miss Linksys…

Monday, January 21, 2008

Note to Jesus, Thor, and Buddha – you’re not so special…

This applies to everyone who claims virgin birth. The message: Big whoop!

Now that we can create clones out of skin cells, the allure of the virgin birth has been broken.

This isn’t science fiction. Mary’s immaculate conception can be duplicated in a lab now, using skin cells. Not so much of a miracle anymore!

I just love things that make religious fundamentalists squirm… like science… they hate science...

Friday, January 18, 2008


Just to keep you informed...

Finally get to watch West Wing…

Dear Writer’s Guild,

Thanks for the strike. Seriously. Thank you.

I’m not saying this because I’m a scab. No, I support you guys 100% and believe in what you’re doing. (But you might want to remember all this support once the strike is over. I’m a playwright, you know; I could help you with those scripts and you’ll have a lot of catching up to do when the time comes.)(Oh, and to all you production companies, just because I’m not willing to be a scab doesn’t mean a guy doesn’t like to be asked… I’m just saying…)

I just want to thank you because this complete lack of new televisionage, er televisionation, um televisionoodle – with no new shows (and, no, Cashmere Mafia is not a new show – it’s Sex & the City by way of Disney) I have finally convinced Vicky to watch The West Wing. For years, I’ve been trying but, every time I ask she gives me this look. It says, “I’m going to have think, won’t I?” And it’s really hard to say, “Not a lot.”

This is all Vicky’s fault, by the way. Completely.

Say what you want about Rosa but she kept expectations low. Nobody ever expected her to be able to think so, when she did, we were all pleasantly surprised. She had the good sense to put the purses and shoes and credit cards all up front where people could see them and go “Ooooh… so you married that….” Vicky, on the other hand, kept the purses and shoes (and, in her case, Nascar and Tim McGraw) far in the back. When we first started dating, she put her best foot forward, with the other foot holding the closet shut where all her secrets hid. I was completely bamboozled. She even had out a copy of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Now, listen, this was the book that changed my life; I was blown away. She even had a BIGGER copy of the book! Same book, sure, but it was BIGGER! Vicky didn’t bother to tell me that, though she read it, she hated the book. It put her to sleep. So, when I saw that, my first thought was, “I can watch West Wing with her! We can watch documentaries!” (I also wanted to do her. What can I say? Brainiac chicks are a turn-on.)

So, Vicky got herself into this mess, which has gone on since the day after the day we met… a while now. I’ve been trying to convince her to watch West Wing and, every time, she suddenly realizes she has some important… thing to do.

But, not anymore! With nothing on TV, she’ll HAVE to watch it! I have her now! Trapped!

So, please, keep up the good work.

Yours ever enviously,


Idiot boy has a brainstorm…

Now that tax-cuts for the rich and deregulation have starved the government, squeezed the poor, and make a mess of our economy (you surely don’t think the mortgage industry got into this mess because they were being too carefully regulated, do you?), Shrub has come up with a way to get us out of this mess: MORE TAX CUTS FOR THE RICH!

… can’t accuse him of being inconsistent…

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Up is Down, Right is Wrong...

When you look to the Right Wing, to the so-called Social Conservatives, to the Neo-Con-Artists, keep in mind that they speak in Reverse Speak.

When they say that homosexuality is wrong, what they really mean is "Wanna join me in this stall?"

When they talk about the sins of adultery and lying, what they really mean is "I'm having sex with my brother's wife."

When they talk about how Democrats hate our country, what they really mean is "Hey al-Qaeda, wanna buy some secrets?"

Remember, the Right Wing is the paragon of morality... in Reverse Speak!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The hippie car... dude...

Seven years later... How's that oil-based economy working for you?

Finite resources demand finite demand… or so says logic…

Vicky and I were on the phone this morning talking about the new Chevy Tahoe hybrid, which gets 21 mpg. That’s not a typo. 21.

Now, I love Vicky to death (do us part) but her brand of logic was: People want big cars so auto makers should make big cars. People want big cars because they have large families and the only way to stop that would be to pass a law “like they have in China”. When Vicky gets like this, there’s no talking to her – or, at least, I can’t without saying something insulting. So, I got off the phone.

This really worries me.

Last night’s Democratic debate touched on this topic a bit. They even mentioned Shrub over in the mid-east begging for oil.

I look around and I see a world full of morons.

Listen. It’s very simple.

We have a finite amount of oil. I think we can all agree there’s no infinity well spewing out oil for us to use in perpetuity. So, we can agree on that at least, right?

Okay, so finite supply. This means that if we use it up it will all be gone. Following so far?

Okay. Now, cars with lower gas mileage use gas faster than cars with higher gas mileage. You understand that, right? So, by driving a car with lower gas mileage, you’re using up the oil. There will be less remaining. This also means that more people use more gas. Simple math – you can get behind that, can’t you?

Do you want to have oil for your children? Do you want them to have a world in economic turmoil and environmental catastrophe? Because this extends to other resources as well, you know: wood, metal, food – all finite resources work this way. Sure, we can grow more food and more wood but you can only grow so much.

Okay. Now, here’s the hard part. Ready? Fewer people use fewer resources. It’s just the converse of the above statement: More people use more resources. Therefore, if you have fewer people, you won’t have such a strain on resources. You can rely more on alternate energy sources because you don’t have to generate so much.

Now, to this idea that you need to pass a law “like they have in China”. Think about all the religions and ideologies that tell us that we should have lots of kids, not use birth control, and make abortions illegal. If people prevented pregnancy in the first place, we wouldn’t even need to talk about abortion. If there were fewer babies, there would be fewer people and less of a strain on limited resources. So, you eliminate those ideologies. Further, since the poor tend to have more children, you could help the poor – wait. Catch your breath. Now – help the poor. Educate them. Help them. Yes, even in Africa. Then, they would have fewer children and we would be using, yes, fewer resources. And we wouldn’t need Chevy Fucking Tahoes with 21 fucking miles per fucking hour. Get it?

No… I didn’t think so…

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Worse still if you’re under 3…

Vicky sent me an email today. It was supposed to be a joke. It read:

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways ... yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in he-ll I was going to lay a bunch of cra-p like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that...I'm over the ripe old age of thirty , I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a da--mn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

1. When I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the da--mn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

2. There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter ... with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

… and it went on and on like that. No MP3s meant you had to shoplift music if you wanted to steal it. No call waiting or caller ID – No PS3 – No stadium seating – No hundreds of tv channels – No Cartoon Network – No microwave ovens (which was, of course, historically incorrect)Heaven Forfend!!!!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love me some irony… but something about the whole thing… it just wasn’t right. Maybe it’s because I was born prior to 1978 – you don’t want to know how prior – and, looking back, I know that things weren’t that bad. But, you know, that’s not it, either.

The fact of the matter is that anyone who says kids have it easy is just wrong. Completely wrong. I mean, just look at what they have to contend with! Prior to 1978, we didn't have AIDS. Not that I was having sex then but those who did partake could have sex without condoms. Anything they picked up could be cured with a shot or a cream – or, at least, it wouldn’t kill you! We didn't have global warming or $3.50/gallon gas. We could drive all we liked. We didn't have overfishing. We could eat all we liked. Maybe we felt guilty about tuna but we didn’t have to worry about all the toxins that now reside in fish – so many that women who are even thinking about getting pregnant need to steer clear! We didn't have to worry about Internet viruses or cell-phone cancer or death by plastic... let's face it. The under-30's don't have it that easy.

The world they are inheriting is hell in a shit storm and jokes like this minimize that. They make it okay for us to not care what happens to them, so we can leave the world just as much a mess as we like. You might be thinking that I should look into investing in a quality sense of humor but, please, don’t get me wrong. It’s not the under-30’s that I worry about so much. It’s the under-3’s and the under-2’s and those yet born.

Any child Vicky and I bring into the world will face a world far worse off than the one I came into and neither of us is absolved of guilt. None of us are. So… not funny.

To the folks in Stephenville, Texas…

Dozens of you see a UFO and nobody takes a picture? I understand that, while everyone in Southern California (including dogs and cats) might have a cell phone with a camera, you’re a farming community and all – but not one camera amongst you?

And, yet, one guy apparently sat and watched it through his gun’s telescopic lens…

I don’t know if I should laugh at your hallucinations or at your poor purchasing choices…

Shrub's answer...

High gas prices. Global warming. An economy in the dumper. Environmental turmoil.

Shrub's answer?


Of course. Why didn't we think of that! Here, I was thinking "alternative fuel source"... silly me!

(Remember when you folks loved this guy? Will you ever learn your lesson?)

Monday, January 14, 2008

Primarily Politics…

I follow presidential elections the way some people follow sports and I follow the sports the way some people follow similes. Truth be told, I don’t. And I think Vicky’s getting used to this. The other night, instead of asking me how the Giants were doing, she asked, “So, what’s the next primary we have coming up?”

For the last couple of weeks, Vicky has had to endure me watching the election results come in from Iowa and New Hampshire like I’d put down money. I hadn’t… tempting as it may be…

Why? Well, this is the future of our country we’re talking about, right? What else could be more interesting? I will admit that I’m a registered Green but, while there’s no viable Green candidate and while my request to work for the OC Greens was pretty rudely denied (I wasn’t in with the right group, it seems – which was my cue to wait things out until I found a new party or the Greens pulled their collective heads out of their collective asses), that doesn’t make the positions of Kucinich, Edwards, Obama, or Clinton less important to know.

(You want to know the Republican positions? McCain: The surge is working and we’ll only be in Iraq between 50 and 100 years. Giuliani: My city was attacked, which somehow makes me cool. Romney: You don’t have to be religious to like me, but it helps. Huckabee: Don’t tell anyone but I’m really progressive. So, who needs civil liberties? Thompson: Horizontal.)

At this point, my favorite candidates or Kucinich and Edwards, in that order, but I’m not na├»ve enough to actually believe they have a chance. That leaves Obama and Clinton, which puts everyone in the unenviable position of being either racist or sexist if you listen to the campaigns. By my way of thinking, the two sides making the same accusation of “____ist”, are mutually exclusive. When it comes down to it, though, Clinton’s accusation that Obama lacks experience is correct. At the same time, though, Clinton has too much baggage and, to my eye, is too conservative to be a good candidate. (Remember, she did vote for the Leiberman act that charged Iran’s military with terrorism, just the first step down a slippery toilet.)

I think Obama would make the best candidate exactly because of Clinton’s accusation. Look at Shrub. The first thing he did, a man with more political experience in abject failure than just about anyone, was bring in a lot of the old Republican guard from his dad’s day. Lots of experience put us where we are today. Experience in fucking things up isn’t exactly a good thing. Obama’s lack of experience would go a long way towards offsetting the last eight years, which has been an ugly experience.

Is he the best possible candidate? Probably not. But he’s far better than the alternatives.

Anyway, I started this by mentioning the primaries. Every time Vicky asks me when a primary is coming up, I wish there was some resource I could look at: a political calendar, say. Well, guess what: there is!

According to this, we have Michigan coming up tomorrow. The Republican South Carolina primary is on Saturday (the same day as Nevada’s caucus), with the Dems shot in SC coming the Saturday after. Then, Florida (with Giuliani finally supposed to enter the race – what a genius!) falls the Tuesday after that. Sadly, the primary after that could determine the whole thing. That one will determine delegates from Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Illinois, and on and on. A sweep on February 5th could call the whole thing and leave out most of the other states. I think we should call that calendar broke and ask someone to fix it.

So, on to Michigan. I’ll be watching the whole thing as I cook dinner. (I’m making us some pasta w/meat sauce. Yum.) This thing counts more for the Repugs than the Dems, as they will determine 30 delegates. The winning Democrat walks away with zero delegates, thanks to Michigan illegally moving the primary date. But the winner will also gain notoriety and momentum towards the following week. Doesn’t matter. I’ll still be glued in, watching the plays and the scores and all the action.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Bush says we should’a killed the Jews!…

Shrub, has only been allowed to give the answers:

  • Cut taxes!
  • I wasn’t there.
  • It’s hard work.
  • Bomb them!

Today, he decided to select this final choice when meeting in Isreal.

When the subject of Auschwitz came up, he gave his best guess at a solution: “We should’a bombed them!”

What a fucking genius.

(I know it's shooting fish in a barrel but sometimes you have to kill the fish.)

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Viva! We're Horny!...

(You took a minute and asked yourself, “Do I really want to read this?” Didn't you? Yeah, I understand.)

Have you seen the new Viagra commercial? Bunch of guys sitting around inside an abandoned building singing about how horny they are to each other to the tune of “Viva! Las Vegas!”? Doesn’t that commercial give you the creeps?

I mean, seriously, what’s the story here? At some point, they all had to get together for one reason or another. Let’s say, just for the sake of argument, that they’re all in a band – in fact, let’s say they are a band. “Vas Deferens and his seven testes.” These guys really rocked back in the day – they were a hard act to follow – they stood proud and erect – they could all get it up, is the general point here.

Now, old men, all they can do is sit limply and strum flaccidly or stroke unresponsive keys.

Okay, I think the point is made.

But when did they decide, “Let’s sing about our inability to get a hard on!” At what point did this become an option?

“Wanna play Layla?”

“How about Paradise City?”

“I know what we should do! Let’s all sing together about our inability to get a hard on!”

What the fuck?

Now, I’d be lying to you if I said that was it. No, it gets worse!

After singing several refrains about their inability to please a woman, their pathetic manhoods, that bundle of skin that hangs from their lower abdomen with all the necessity of an exterior appendix, all the guys suddenly bolt out of the building. They run into the vehicles and drive off in a panic. It’s as if somewhere in the song an epiphany like a white hot shaft (forgive me) of light has struck them each in the forehead, saying, “They make a pill now that will make you hard. As long as you can remain in denial about it, you can pretend you’re still of some use when it comes to sex and it’s not all thanks to the pill. Because hard on pills are what this world needs – far more than, say, a solution to global warming or, perish the thought, actual fucking human intelligence – and now, you pathetic hick, now you can both beat your woman and rape her!”

And they drive off like a – well, like a man to Viagra.

And my hope for humanity threw up a little bit…

This is what happens when I'm up too fucking late...

... and I'm just too tired to write. I post music videos from albums out years ago! But, fuck it, I'm a Jason Lytle fan and I'm looking forward to whatever new shit he comes out with... he said, ending a sentence with a preposition... dammit...

Saturday, January 05, 2008

A little evening music...

I found C11's first disk about a decade about in a Tower Records (RIP) in Long Beach. This is their latest...

Friday, January 04, 2008

Step into a glass booth...

Is mama for Obama?

Is someone furry for Huckleburry?

Are you right in every way but your candidate is Mr. Unelectabl - er - Kucinich? I know I am.

Try out Glass Booth and find out which way you swing!

Thursday, January 03, 2008

DOJ torture investigation…

No, this isn’t about the investigation into torture on the part of the DOJ. This is about the DOJ’s torture of the word “investigation”.

Mucus-ey didn’t appoint an independent prosecutor. No… that would be the right thing to do. Apparently, he thought something far worse than Watergate – multiple violations of the Constitution by people within the White House, some referred to as “President” – did not warrant the treatment given Watergate. Instead, he ordered an inside guy, someone he could keep in line in case actual facts came to light.

Because they are not investigating torture, after all. They are investigating the destruction of evidence.

Remember when Libby was found guilty for obstruction of justice and they ignored that whole “Treason” thing. Yeah, same rules apply.

Remember that at a primary near you.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

We’ll get to Heaven later…

What would the belief in Hell mean? What would the belief in a place created by an all-merciful God, where non-believers and no-good-nicks are punished for eternity, entail?

Even the worst tortures of man are temporary, while the tortures of hell are meant to last for eternity. Doesn’t this shorter period mean that, even at his worst, man is far more merciful than any God who would create Hell?

What does it say about Christians, Muslims, Jews, etc., who believe in a God far less merciful than the worst person who ever lived and who then call him “all-merciful”?

I think it says you gotta be pretty fucked up to believe it.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

What is it about the Rose Parade???…

Vicky’s out there watching it right now. Not me. I can’t stand it.

I am far too optimistic about the nature of the human spirit to think that those idiot comment-taters (because, what else would you call those spuds for brains?) are paid to spew insipid tripe into the first day of the year. Therefore, I am left with no other option than to think that the producers of the show are holding their families hostage and have threatened to cut off a digit every time something intelligent is said.

That makes a lot more sense to me.