Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Now with more giblets!...

In my continuing quest to find the dumbest headlines, I bring you THIS!

The teaser headline read “Some victims of U.S. serial killers may be overlooked, study finds.” Okay, before we continue can I just ask who’s the genius who got paid to do this study? Who was it who said, “I’m going to talk to serial killer victims and may sure they’re not overlooked,” and then got paid for it? Sweet deal, bro’!

Because that’s the point. What are they being overlooked in? Federal funds? Equal pay? A sense of accomplishment?

Before that could be answered, however, I clicked the article and found its focus very different. “Serial killers may have more victims than thought,” the headline read. The article began, “Serial killers may be responsible for up to 10 times more U.S. deaths than previously estimated…”

Now, seriously, I’m in the middle of my busy day. Do I need the intrusion of insecure serial killers? Fine! Okay! You all do a very good job, I’m sure. No doubt, you kill more than anyone else. Your “skizzles” are all “kizzles”… or whatever. The thing is, you don’t have to impress me. Hey, you kill people in far more creative and innovative ways than I could ever think of (short of my new book – end shameless plug). Congratulations.

Now, stop whining and get back to work. There are far too many people on this planet. You are our walking, talking, and killing (of course) release valves. Stop feeling sorry for yourselves and do your job.

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