Tits and Ass…

(Every year, I am required to write at least one entry that makes me look despicable. Here's this year's entry.)

It’s the day before Valentine’s Day and I figured it would be a good time to say this.

Middle-aged men should not go to college. Married middle-aged men (like me) should be restricted with extreme prejudice.

Here’s the thing: I go to Cal State Fullerton every Tuesday and Saturday for class. Every time I walk on that campus, my jaw drops a little, my libido boils a little, and my wedding ring constricts. I didn’t choose CSF for this reason but it is filled with beautiful, young – there’s some hot chicks, Jack! Swear to DOG! I got one chick in my Kid’s TV class who fills a sweater like you wouldn’t believe – not immense, just perfect. And there’s a girl in my Greek Philosophy class who epitomizes why evolution gave us legs. All across the campus, I am surrounded by the most amazing examples of femininity. It’s fucking awesome.

And I am 42 years old.

Now, don’t get the idea I’m drooling over these girls or staring at them, but you can’t help but notice and the drooling is all done on the inside. Listen, married men are still men, you know?

This is why you go to college in your twenties – so you enjoy partake of the fruit! I am old enough to be the father of most of these girls. I’m the old fart. And I get that, but geeeez, what lovely scenery!

Now, Vicky’s going to read this – and you’re probably thinking “You know, Vicky’s going to read this” – but believe me when I tell you she’d check me into a mental hospital if I didn’t notice these girls. There’s something wrong with any man who doesn’t see a women and not think, on some level at least, “Hmmmm…. Maybe….”

Of course, when I’m at school, it’s more like, “Shit, yeah.” “Hell, yeah.” “Fuck, yes.” “God damn.” “Holy shit.” and, of course, “Daddy wants candy.”

I’m an old perv.

But this will end when I get my degree… 30 or 40 years from now…