One month later...

My Side started off in high school. The idea was that I wanted to write but, pretty much, only had the talent to babble... it was when the journalism advisor (why don't they just call them teachers?) agreed to the whole, crazy idea when heads turned and My Side, the column, was born. Tim Murphy, who I have heard occasionally reads this, actually suggested, at the time, that it was a pretty bad idea. (Sean, you'll still be hearing about the whole "keep the door open" thing in 20 years, too...)

What did it do? Well, writing the column did get me noticed. Oh, it nearly got me expelled but it got me noticed by other people, too. Practically all the teachers loved it, while most of the students hated it. That told me I was on to something. It also attracted the attention of Rosa Piedra...

I didn't have to many options, after high school, for college. I had no money and only mediocre grades... nobody seemed too interested in my acting ability or my column. So, I went to Santa Ana College because, basically, they were cheap. My Side came back in their newspaper. This, again, attracted some attention and I was nearly expelled... again. Also, it attracted the attention of Rosa Piedra...

After college, well... since I didn't graduate, I fluttered from here to there to just over there behind the ficus...

My Side popped up on a website back in the early 90's - so long ago, I forgot the name of the site! It helped me to express so many things going on in my life. By that time, Rosa Piedra had become Rosa La Celle and I would show her the columns before they went up on the site.

Now, My Side is this happy little Blog. (What? You don't think it's happy?) I started writing one month ago, after I put an end to over a year of "Kenmails" - if you don't know, consider yourself lucky. I would say that I'm too busy acting or writing plays to work on getting My Side back out there for the masses (this Blog is by invitation only!... sure) but I haven't been acting or writing.

Actually, for the past month, I've been too busy mourning the tragedy of my own life to do anything... and that sounds pathetic. I had planned to start this AFTER all the drama with Rosa had passed, when we knew where we were headed and I could write about the journey there... but that isn't what came to pass. She dumped me and here I am with my guts hanging out, still trying to figure out if I'm going to wake up.

But it's not common for me to be in one place too long, speaking metaphorically. After a month of mourning, well, I get bored. Don't you? Yesterday, I was so depressed, I couldn't get out of bed. I missed a day of work. I slept until 2:30pm!!

But I had some time to think. I realized that I will move forward - none of us has a choice in that. Somehow, I will move on. If I meet someone, I'll date. (God! I wish it was that easy!!) However, I've also decided to keep things open with Rosa. I'll make the occasional call, talk to her now and then. Who knows? Maybe things will work out one day? I can't deny it's what I want more than anything else. I can't deny that I've loved her for more than half my life.

Coming to that realization - that I can move forward while looking back, that I can hold two disparate thoughts at the same time - has actually helped a little. Why? How? A lot of people have been telling me to do one thing or the other. "Shut her out of your life." "Bug her! Hound her!" But I think what I realized is that the time for decisions hasn't even arrived, yet. Why make a decision now? I'm going to live my life and we'll just see what happens.

Hopefully, "living my life" will include some writing. I haven't been able to write since Rosa dumped me. I'm getting a lot of crazy idea, though. One of them is a murder-mystery... we'll see...