Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Welcome to Sunyata...

What a week. Folks, there's so much to write and I won't get the time so let's take it piece by piece...

"Welcome to Sunyata." That's what Rosa used to say to me. It was her saying, one of her few, and it was a good one.

"Sunyata" is a Sanskrit word mean "emptiness"... but it means "emptiness" the way abyssal means "kinda deep". "Sunyata" is the eternal emptiness, the primal emptiness. It's the boss of emptiness - get it?

And this was her joke. "Welcome to Sunyata." Welcome to the void. Welcome to the darkest, emptiest spot you could ever imagine. Look in your wallet when you want to buy something? "Welcome to Sunyata." Check out the fridge when you're really hungry? "Welcome to Sunyata."

Leave the love of your life because she tells you to find someone else and you do and you realize you are shit and worthless and the lowest scum imaginable and are trapped in a prison of your own making in a meaningless life that you only wish you could escape from.....? "Welcome to Sunyata."

Yep. So, I was living in Sunyata. Sunyata and I were buddies. Sunyata and I used to play 5-card stud in the middle of the night with my subconscious as I sleepwalked... and he cheated!

"Welcome to Sunyata."

Then, earlier this year, Rosa and I started coming back together and the pieces of my life were beginning to mend.

And I said to her, "It looks like I've finally out of Sunyata." And she said, "You and I need to talk about Sunyata." Was she trying to give me a hint? Clue me in to the fact that she would soon be dumping my ass?

I don't know. But, pretty soon, I was back with Sunyata, living with the emptiness my life has given me.

... but it's not all bad news.

Sunyata, as I mentioned, is the void. It is the emptiness. And it lives inside me and it takes up the geography where used to reside my heart. But then, one night, a question occurred. "Where does life come from?" Where does stuff come from? Where did my stereo and my car and my friends and my plays and my life and everything else come from? From out of the void, of course. They came from Sunyata. Just as the big bang originated from the void of space, so too this. Anything traced back far enough falls into void eventually.

And this is where I am. In Sunyata. The void? Sure. But the void from out of which all possibilities arise and from where I arise. And it's forcing me out. You can't live forever in Sunyata because, well, then it wouldn't be a void, would it? So, it's a temporal and temporary place. It's a feel that dies. The void gets filled.

And, eventually, we go back.

So, welcome to Sunyata.

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