… was his name-o…

When people get tired of life, tired of living, they often do horrible, terrible things… like playing BINGO. It is, after all, a sporting event designed for the crotchety. All you need is four working parts: a heart to pump your blood, a lung so you can breathe, an eye so you can see your sheet and what number has been called (deftly eliminating the need for an ear!), and any functioning limb with which to mark the number. (I figure you don't need working vocal chords - you could have someone else say "BINGO" when the time came.)

Last night, Vicky and I played BINGO… and we haven't even retired yet…

Sean and Megan live in a mobile home park that is positively crawling with old people - they need an exterminator, I swear! - so, of course, they have a weekly BINGO night. Every Thursday, once they found out Vicky likes BINGO - Vicky likes anything that will win her money. If "Pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey" paid good odds, she'd play. - they asked if we'd like to come over and play. And we were doing a decent job at giving them the cold shoulder, for a while there… but, sadly, Vicky really did want to play.

So, off we went last night, to meet Sean and Megan at the mobile home park's rec center. They were all ready… they even had those big ink pens. "They're called Daubers," Sean told me, that poor, poor man.

And, so, we "daubed" away…

BINGO's the only sport I know of that almost requires you to smoke at the same time, I thought. I mean, here you are, doing nothing but waiting… somebody give me a martini and a Camel!

But then, I remembered why I had agreed to go. Vicky, while a very attractive woman, is not always a "cute" woman. You won't often see her be "cute"… except when she's having fun, then she's adorable. So, I sat there, "daubing" my sheet of numbers, and watched Vic have fun and be "cute"… I nearly attacked her right there! Especially when she won! I was ready to jump on her!

(Calm down…. You're writing…. Calm down….)

Anyway, we had a pretty good time and all but, honestly, BINGO? Isn't that what people did before they had TV and video games? Which reminds me, I have no plans this weekend, so I'll be sitting around, watching TV and playing video games...