Tuesday, January 27, 2004

The nightmares return...

I see Rosa for a few seconds, my whole world is turned upside down.



Now, nightmares.

Vivid and terrifying. I don't think Rosa's ever been so utterly cruel in any of my nightmares as she was last night. I remember begging her, telling her I loved her and always would and asking if she understood this. In reply, she began to sing, "I love you, you love me..."

And to think, I've never seen one episode of Barney.

I thought I was free of this place. To come back to where you wake up clutching the blanket, denial scorching your throat, ready to spring out in a scream...

I went to sleep at 11pm and awoke from the first nightmare at 2am. I was awake for over an hour and awoke just before 4am from another nightmare. After that, I decided it was better to stay awake.

I staggered out into the living room and lit a cigarette. I'm even smoking in my apartment, something I don't usually do - but things are getting too grisly, in just a few days, for niceties.


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