Tuesday, September 02, 2003

What did September ever do for anyone, anyway?

Well, we're in September, the month with the unnecessarily long name - and, while I'm at it, "unnecessarily" is also unnecessarily long! September has a bad attitude. Just because it marks the end of summer, it feels it has to sound more like an Autumnal month: October or November. Summer has these short names that make writing checks easy: June, July, August. Even Spring helps out: March, April, May! You get into the colder months, you're just asking for trouble, my friends! Who wants to pay bills in a month where the name of that month won't even fit on the check?! Then, you have to decide if you're going to abbreviate - and is it me or does "Sept." just sound lame? - or mark it numerically - you write 9/2/03 and people are going to think you don't know how to spell or even how to abbreviate!

If you were born in September, don't get all worked up over my hatred for the month. It's not your fault you were born when you were - It's your parent's fault! Find them and kill them!!!!!


I'm sorry. Where was I?

Well, another week has started, bringing with it the promise of hell in a cubicle. Oh, I love my job! Wait... no, I don't. I hate it. I really hate it! I'm amazed that I've been here so long, hating it as I do. I'm amazed I haven't come in with a couple of shotguns...

Why do I hate my job? Ah, it's like asking why the sky is blue or why Shrub is President... but it's more like asking why I hate my job... and there are so many reasons... well, okay, here's one. It is generally recognized here that I'm that senior writer, that I know what I'm doing, that I can string words together to simulate meaning. While this is true, I routinely have my writing "proofread" by those whose language of origin, language of use, nor language of comfort are, were, or will ever be English and am told to write in the "Pidgin" form of said language. When I refuse to, when I insist on doing my job, I am severely chastised. When I say, "Fine. Whatever. I don't care." I am applauded.

It's enough to make you want to plunge your head through the monitor...

In other news, "Play It Again" had its opening weekend and, to be bewilderment, the audience was very forgiving of our Bogart's British accent. I didn't understand it myself. They generally seemed to be enjoying themselves and, thus, weren't very picky. So, maybe it's me. Maybe, I'm too picky.

... NO! NO! NO! Bogart should NOT be freaking British DAMMIT!!!!

... I'm sorry. Where was I?

This weekend, progress was made on the Lisa front. You remember Lisa. She's the 36-year-old hottie with whom one of my fellow cast-members is trying to set me up. Well, there was no denying it this weekend, it was certain, there was no doubt... Lisa has no idea that I'm alive. She's not aware of me in the least. If she tripped over me, she'd forget upon regaining her balance.

This is probably a good thing. After all, Rosa delivers in two months and I wouldn't want to be happy when it happened. It's probably for the best the I remain alone and depressed for when Rosa gives birth. I wouldn't want to forget that I lost her and that I'll never get her back. (For those keeping score at home, that rate a 92.1 on the Sarcaso-Meter.)

I have a little time off now that we're between performances. Since I worked all last week - hell-week and all - my apartment is the biggest mess ever. I'll be using all this "time off" cleaning my apartment. Fun, huh?

And, on top of all this, some British astronomers have detected an Extinction Event - a massive asteroid "2003 QQ47" that could collide with the Earth in 2014. Cool, huh? I gotta wait 11 more years... at least my car will be paid off... (Odds of collision are 1 in 909,000. Your results may vary. No purchase necessary. Operators are standing by.)

One last note, I'm a little back-logged on email these days and have received a couple to which I'm not, yet, replied. If you're wondering why I have not replied, keep in mind that I'm a stupid flake with the brain of a brine shrimp... but I will be writing soon. I promise.

So... how have you been?

No comments: