Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Don't get cocky...

There I was, sitting at home, eating some salad and some tuna salad Vicky had made. (It was very good.) And, of course, out of nowhere, a thought occurred to me.
You know this isn't going to last.
I choked it down with a mouthful of tuna. It's only been a month.
One month and you're in love with her. You've been thinking about marriage. How long until she decides to leave you? One year? Ten years? Twelve? Fifteen? She's going to leave you and you're going to end up trapped inside a one-bedroom apartment all alone.
By the time, I was outside, smoking a cigarette... my chest was tight.
You think you made it through your divorce all strong and sure but you didn't. It broke you. Your life was destroyed. You lost everything.
And Vicky's going to do the same thing to you. You just wait.
I hate being so weak and frail.
I left and drove back to work. I was bringing back with me a picture she gave me this weekend. On the frame was written, "I Love You with all my Heart!"
Rosa loved you once and look what happened.
I tried to choke it down as I drove to work. Everything blurred around me. My chest was tight.
I walked into the office and called her. I wanted to tell her I brought the picture in. I wanted to tell her I loved her.
Before I could say anything, she said, "Sunday. August 1. Dinner with my parents."
We'd been talking about meeting the parents. It shouldn't have come as any surprise.
Her mom had picked out a restaurant but Vicky didn't know the name of the place, where it was, or what exactly they served. (We know it's Japanese...)
And there's a chance her brother and his girlfriend are going...
Let me tell you, dear friends, life does not wait around for us to heal. Timing is never right - it is timing. Opportunities are lost because we want things to be perfect. And you know what? They're never going to be.
... Stay tuned for August 2nd's My Side...

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