Wednesday, April 27, 2005

The Eight Beatitudes...

I was coming home from work today and starting thinking about, of all people, Jesus. I thought about some of the things he said and began to doubt that folks today would like it much.

For instance, in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus delivered his eight beatitudes. They don't really work too well today, though, and here's why:

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. But the poor can't get a living wage or a social safety net - OH NO!

Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Unless they're in the Middle East because the US will be back to kill more of their family real soon.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. But the Conservative Death Cult gets it now!

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Mind you, the meat is tainted with mad cow and the water is filled with mercury, but you get the point.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. So, this obviously doesn't apply to any of our fine boys at Abu Ghraib or any of the United State's many other torture facilities.

Blessed are the pure of heart, for they shall see God. Now we know why nobody's seen him in so long...

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God. There goes (burning) Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Condi, DeLay... well, the list does go on and on, doesn't it?

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. I guess all those Iraqi's are laughing now, aren't they?

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