Anatomy of a Kiss...

This is week four of "Something to Hide" and this week the understudy, Michelle, takes over the role of my mistress from Stephanie. The role is a thankless one, which involves kissing me and then kissing me again. As you can probably understand, it involves a lot of very skilled acting.

Now, my kissing muscles hadn't been getting the best workouts before this show. I think Karrie and I had had one kiss and before that.... it had been a while. As the best kissers know, a good kiss isn't just lip. It involves much more. I'd say a really excellent kiss can even involve the toes at times. (Which might be why I'm having problems with Karrie.)

I'd say my top five kisses ever would be as follows:

5. Julie Starr. Great lips before the days of collagen injections.

4. Cindy Wilcox. Terrific form. She was athletic.

3. Teresa Alaniz. The classic kiss. Never disappointed.

2. Deanna Caudillo. A kiss that could send a man to his death smiling.

1. Rosa. From first kiss to last, absolute perfection. I'm not saying she's the best kisser in the world but our lips were Astaire and Rogers: made for each other!

As for stage kisses, I'd have to say that the best would be, without a doubt, the girl who played Lina in "Three Days of Rain". Sexy as hell, okay? And it didn't help that she kept saying, "If only I wasn't married." Look, folks, that's how you get into trouble.

Now, Stephanie and I have kissed in shows before. When we did Atheists, there was a kiss. It was a lot quicker and colder but, let's face it, her character was colder, too. When we started this show, it was pretty much what I was expecting. Of course, in this show, she's playing my mistress, so...

Let's just say that Stephanie's lips and mine have developed a certain rapport.

When you're out there on a dark stage kissing, there's a moment of surrendering to it. After a couple shows, there's no hesitation. We get out there and kiss! And it's not difficult. After all, Stephanie's a very attractive woman. I mean, she's number two when it comes to stage kisses but with a definite bullet!

So, now I move on to the understudy, Michelle. She's........ aggressive.

That might sound like a good thing but it gets more complicated than that.

I remember one night, Stephanie forgot her lines and just kept kissing me, which made me nearly forget mine.

When someone's in full lip mode on stage, it's hard to keep track of what you're doing. Stephanie's kisses say, "Hi. How're you doing? Nice to meet you. You come here often? Don't forget you've got a line coming up." Michelle's say, "How's it going, big boy? Forget the lines! Let's get naked!"

Meanwhile, my lips are saying, "Excuse me? Excuse me? Excuse me?"

I'm in for an interesting weekend.

Hope to see some of you there.