Mutha's Day fo' all da bitches an' ho's!...

I'm in a bad mood. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Mother's Day is coming up. It's the day we celebrate the cervix, er, Mothers of the world... well, not the Mother's of the world - that would include Iraq and the mothers of "terrorists" (Republicans). It's the day we celebrate the Mother's we know... and like...

I'm probably taking my mom to lunch. It's a tradition we started three years ago, when I took her to Walt's Wharf in Seal Beach. But then, she asked to switched to Ruby's, a burger joint, because she didn't like me spending "all that money".

I'll probably be sending flowers out to Blanche. I'd take her too lunch, too... you know, if it wasn't for the whole "she lives in another state" thing.

This is also Rosa's first Mother's Day.

Okay! Okay! Quit yer bitchin! You knew I was going to mention Rosa! So, shut yer yaps!

Yes, I've been thinking about Rosa a lot lately. I can't help it! People admonish me as if I'd lost my favorite toothbrush. Folks, she was the love of my life, okay? Can you deal with that?! I have a right to mourn my loss.

Oh, sure. Four years is a bit extreme and even I get pissed off about it but there you are. I can't change how I feel, however much I'd like to!

This morning, I caught myself thinking about little things. The texture of her skin. The feeling of my hand on hers. The timbre of her voice. These are things I cannot really put into words.

With the passing of time, you'd think I'd feel less strongly about her but just the opposite is proving true. I find I love her and hate her both - and both for the same reason. I love her the way you might love a sunset or a fortunate piece of art; there's no longer a human quality there. She's stopped being a person to me - and can that be any surprise? And I hate her for so many reasons, one of them being that I love her.

Mind you, she doesn't know this. It's a kind of emotional pillaging that I'm doing to myself - and maybe it'll take another four years before it's through.

And when I walked into the building this morning to find out Mom's Day was approaching, I really needed it, you know?