Thursday, April 15, 2004

The My Side Infomercial...

Looking for that bit of depressing tedium that can make your life look that much better? Looking for awful jokes that make you seem like the funniest person in comparison? Looking for overwritten personal drama that makes you realize you're nearly as neurotic as you could be?

Then try My Side!

My Side! The Blog written by the middle-aged man who lost the love of his life and can't seem to go on without constant yammering about that and where'd his youth go!? It may not be entertaining, but it's just what you need to bolster your own pathetic sense of worth. Don't believe me? Let's listen to these satisfied readers:

I lost my girlfriend and thought I had it bad, but then I read My Side. The way he whines on and on about Rosa! - Man, I'd never be that much of a simp!

I was thinking about becoming an actor but My Side set me straight. Now, I'm headed into a career in accounting. If I want to kiss strange women, I can buy a hooker!

I work a dead end job sucking exhaust lines in a toxic waste dump. I had thought about quitting but then I read My Side and heard about Ken's job. Now, I'm sucking toxic waste and loving it!

That's right. Readers of My Side are 12-15% more likely to experience that fine and calming sense of gratitude that you're not Ken!

But isn't the whole point of My Side to share Ken's views, knowing that we all share a human story that includes loss as well as joy?

No! My Side may be a way for Ken to constantly bitch but that doesn't mean you have to feel empathy. Sit back and laugh at the dope!

I thought My Side was a continuing story. Doesn't he ever stop bitching about Rosa?

No! Ken devoted his life to Rosa and that hasn't ended just because of a little divorce! He'll keep bitching and contemplating creative forms of suicide for future generations to enjoy!

Does Ken really think he's funny?

Sadly, yes. Ken has had a very small amount of success as a writer and, unfortunately, thinks that means he's funny. So, he keeps writing shit like this.

But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. Use it as an object lesson (would anyone want to be like Ken), and spirit booster (it could be worse - you could be Ken), or a belief affirmer (yes, this is what happens to atheists)!

Don't believe me? How about these testimonials:

I used to think I was funny but then I found out what people in my family sound like when they make jokes. - Dwight La.

I used to buy books but this is free and he never shuts the hell up. - Lori W.

Where can I get some coffee? - Tim Clo.

Yes, My Side. Pathetic. Sappy. Not very funny even.

But free... and what more would we listen to you ask for is you did ask for more?

(This has been a partially paid advertisement from the people at the My Side Foundation. The My Side Foundation is a firmly affixed subsidiary of KenCo, talentless hacks for over 37 years.)

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