Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Schedule for the Repugnican Convention...

With the Repugnican convention coming up, I thought I'd let you know what was on the plate (thanks to Moby.com):


6:00 PM - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6:30 PM - Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)

6:45 PM - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing (including military giants guam and papua new guinea)

6:46 PM - Seminar #1: Katherine Harris on "Are Elections Really Necessary?"

7:30 PM - Announcement: Lincoln Memorial Renamed for Ronald Reagan

7:35 PM - Trent Lott - "Re segregation in the 21st Century"

7:40 PM - EPA Address #1: Mercury: It's What's for Dinner

8:00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos Are After Your Children

8:30 PM - Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)

8:50 PM - Seminar #2: Corporations: The Government of the Future

9:00 PM - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' That Man"; accompanies self on piano

9:05 PM - Phyllis Schlafly speaks on "Why Women Shouldn't Be Leaders"

9:10 PM - EPA Address #2: Trees: The Real Cause of Forest Fires

9:30 PM - break for secret meetings

10:00 PM - Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 PM - Carl Rove Lecture: Doublespeak Made Simple

10:30 PM - Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration: How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel Squishy Inside

10:35 PM - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare

10:40 PM - John Ashcroft Demonstration: New Mandatory Kevlar Chastity Belt

10:45 PM - GOP's Tribute to Tokenism, featuring Colin Powell & Condi Rice

10:46 PM - Ann Coulter's Tribute to "Joe McCarthy, American Patriot"

10:50 PM - Seminar #3: Education: A Drain on Our Nation's Economy

11:10 PM - Hilary Clinton Pinata

11:20 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: A Dangerous New Cult

11:30 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again

11:35 PM - Blame Clinton

11:40 PM - Newt Gingrich speaks on "The Sanctity of Marriage"

11:41 PM - Announcement: Ronald Reagan to be added to Mt. Rushmore

11:50 PM - Closing Prayer led by evil lord Cheney(oops, Satan)

12:00 PM - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Crusader #1

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