Monday, January 17, 2005

I don't write for you any more...

Hey folks. A couple of things...

I'm typing with a screwed up arm. My right arm (the one I shattered) is giving me attitude so I'm wearing a brace again, which is making typing a world of frustration. This means I won't be writing much today... not on this site, at least...

I'll be getting some disks out in the mail this week, with more to follow next week... um, Mary Kresdmis? (All I can say is, I suck.)

Not much to read, I know. If you would really like to read more, check out my OCMetro contribution about my shoe-shopping experience (only I write about shoe shopping this way...):

A report to all parents or those who might be parents…

Folks, let's cut to the point here. You want to save money, right? You want to help your kids, right? And you want to know that your raising them will give you the piece of mind of both…. Don't ya? Huh? Don't you?

Well, listen up… because I've discovered a breakthrough so HUGE you'll be amazed the world's not standing on its hands.

You see, it all started Saturday night. Vicky (my fiancĂ©e) and I were at the Sketcher's outlet store on State College in Anaheim. She was there to buy shoes and I was there… because I got suckered into it. And I noticed something. Fat kids.

Fats kids are sweeping this county (as well as this country)! They're an epidemic! They're a disease! They're an act of visual terror and THEY MUST BE STOPPED!

But how to do it? After all, with it being so wide-spread, it can't just be the fault of a few Big Mac eaters, right? Sure, those curly-fries and chili dogs don't help but it's a bigger problem than that. Much bigger. And it has to be dealt with or your kids will be fat. They'll grow up fat. Eventually, you won't be able to walk through Main Place without being unknowingly pummeled by people backing up. Cars will have to get bigger to fit bigger people and there goes the rest of our fresh air! Finally, you won't be able to find a size medium ANYTHING amongst the XXXXXXX(etc)Larges!

You can't stop 'em when they're old… and installing new hydraulics on their wheelchairs. You can't stop 'em when they're middle-aged… and buying couches the size of mini-vans. You can't even stop 'em when they're teenagers… because they're teenagers!

No, you've got to stop it in childhood. You've got to nip it in the bud.

But how?

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