Monday, January 03, 2005

Seriously, though…

Something occurred to me this morning and, like most epiphanies, it started as a low drumming in my head and increased to an earth-shattering pound. For years, now, I’ve looked at Republicans and have been stunned at how someone could be so thoughtless, and greedy, and just plain evil…

And today, I figured it out.

Today, I realized – not why people are Republicans – but why people SHOULD be Republicans. I am completely serious. When you are done reading this My Side, you will have a clear reason why you should become a Republican. And when you are done, I am asking very strongly that you write me or comment and give me your response. I want to know how this makes you feel.

So, here it is.

Look at the Republicans. They’re a strong party. They cannot lose. They’re a rich party. They control everything by virtue of being controlled by those who control everything. They are thriving. Now, look at the Democrats. They’re a dying party. They once had a cohesive message. They were once convincing. But not any more. They hold very little control and they’ve been co-opted to the point of meaninglessness. Now, look at the Greens. Look at the Libertarians. Look at all the small parties. They’re nothing. They’re worthless.

Let’s stop here. This is the point where most Republicans say, “Yep. That’s why I’m a Republican.” And these people are fairly innocent. Their slogan is, “Republicans. We beat your ass.” True. Right? Sure. And everybody wants to be on a winning team so – why not?

But it gets much deeper. Now, let’s look at why you SHOULD be a Republican. As a member of a small party, you lack representation in the government and, therefore, will find it working against you more and more. Look at the working class – they don’t get shit. Whereas, if you’re a Republican, your guy will be in office. And look at how this pays off – corporate welfare accounts for THREE TIMES what gets paid out in social welfare, and that number will only increase as social benefits are eliminated.

So, you SHOULD be a Republican to serve your best interests.

And even if you talk about the ideals that the Democratic Party holds, even as it tries harder and harder to run from them, all I can say is, “That don’t pay the rent.” Will your conscious be clearer as a Republican, destroying the economy, ecology, and basic rights of your fellow human being? Probably not. Republicans don’t hold the cards when it comes to moral superiority but they’re getting more benefits from the government. And people who hold strongly to their ethical ideals are never going to make good Republicans, anyway. In fact, I’d encourage any would-be Republican to leave their ethics at the door.

So, you SHOULD be a Republican to transcend ethics.

No, I’m not kidding! You’ll need to do that. In our economy, we cannot afford ethics. Too many people are out of work. Too many benefits are being stripped from us. You can’t think about the other guy or you’ll end up too weak in our world. Have the liberals been effective in preserving human rights? Hell, no! But look at how effective the Republicans have been at stripping away everything the common man once had and giving it to the rich. I’m not saying you’ll become rich, too, just because you’re a Republican. But I am saying that if you forget about ethics and the other guy, you’ll be in a better position to claw your way up.

So, you SHOULD be a Republican for one reason alone – Survival.

You won’t survive in our world any other way. Look the fuck around you. I am totally serious here. Our world pisses on decency and you’d better get used to it or you’re in for a world of hurt. I’m not making this up. Read a paper. Watch the news. It’s all out there for you to see. You don’t have a choice any more.

No choice whatsoever.

You’d better become a Republican right now.

… or get off your fat ass, stop living in a fucking dream world, realize we are all in this together and that only together are we strong, and do something about it.

The choice is very clear. I just hadn't realized it before.

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