As of last night, I had known Vicky for four days. Four days.
Some say it took God seven to make the world.
It's taken Vicky four to remake mine.
And this terrifies me. I'm so afraid of getting hurt, I find myself lining my neuroses with rubber!
Last night, I told her about how afraid I am, how much she frightens me. I told her about how scared I am that I'll hurt her or she'll hurt me.
"Are you going to hit me?"
"No." I said. "I don't hit people."
"Are you going to throw things at me?"
"No... except maybe witty repartee..."
"Are you going to sleep with other women in my bed?" she asked.
"No." I answered. "What about you?"
"No." she said. "I won't sleep with other women in my bed." It was just the right comment to break the tension. After the laughter, she said, "I won't sleep with anyone else."
"Okay," I said. Then, something struck me. "Did we just make a commitment?"
"I guess so."
I was flabbergasted. "Four days and we're already making commitments!"
But later, looking into her eyes, I said, "I don't want to be with you right now."
"Huh?" she asked.
"I want to be with you three years from now or five years, after we're through the newness and we have a family together." It all came out with thinking and, once I'd said it, I knew there was no taking it back.
It's like they say, dear friends. Everything Changes. Even if you're an Atheist. Still, I'm left wondering, Whatever Happened to Me?