Tuesday, October 21, 2003

First day without NICOTINE...

Well, it's Tuesday... I had my last cigarette last night at about 8pm.

Now, before you get the wrong idea, when I say something like "last cigarette", that isn't to say there's a definite finality to it. Okay? I'm not saying it's my last cigarette EVER! So, let's not hold me to anything, okay? It's just my last cigarette in as long as I can help it... or next time I see either of the Tims...

I figured I'd track things these first three days. As you may know, it takes three days for the nicotine to leave your system... which makes you go crazy... so I thought I'd tell you how things go these first few days.

They say you're irritable the first day. I don't think so. Oh, sure. I killed my cat with my mind but does that mean anything, really? I woke up tired and groggy and moved to have a ciga... oh... right... Okay, then. I went in to take a shower and, just for fun, stepped on the scale. (You can decide if I'm sick or just stupid.) 230 pounds...

230 POUNDS?! WHAT?! I gained five pounds?! What happened? Did my body suddenly say, "Quick, he's gonna stop smoking. Let's get fatter!!!!" Okay, I'll admit my scale might be a bit off... but... damn!

I showered and got dressed. During breakfast, I watched the first half-hour of the Bergman film, "Winter Light". After "Through a Glass Darkly", I was sure Tim would have run screaming out of boredom from this. This movie started with a 10 minute church scene. The pace is glacial and not tuned for the American attention span. The thing that amazes me is that it has me very interested and I could hardly pull myself away to go to work!

Tonight, I'll be going to the gym for the first time in over a month. It's been this past month that's destroyed my weight and blackened my lungs - a month full of birthdays and letters to Rosa. I had to stop all of that and get back in healthy mode because the next month Rosa will be having her child, and while it would be very easy for me to sink into depression and smoke and drink... it would be far too easy to stay there.

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