Just a note before I go... to sleep...

I was talking to Sean earlier and something finally clicked inside my head.

"This isn't going to make any sense," I told him, "but smoking and drinking helped keep me sane."

Having to face every day without Rosa is so very difficult - it's crazy to take away cigarettes and be beated up at the gym daily on top of that. I miss her so desperately.

As much as I miss her, I've begun to think that I'm getting used to being alone - not comfortable with it but used to it. I'm afraid I'm becoming the male equivalent of an "old maid" but how could I date anyone?

Oy.