Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Neurotic Man!...

Okay. Yes. I'm neurotic. It's been discussed and found to be true.


This weekend was pretty damned awful. I'm not talking about Mom's Day lunch with my mom and my brother. I'm not talking about having to clean my apartment.

You know what it is, right?

I should start by mentioning that I'd been sending Rosa a couple of letters. Yes, through the mail... the US Postal Service... snail mail... that thing your bills come in.

Before "Something to Hide" started, I'd sent her a short letter and invited her to come. After, when she didn't come, I sent her a short letter with the reviews included. Two weeks ago, I sent her another letter. Now, in my own defense, I was pretty drunk at the time. I didn't even realize I'd done it until a couple of hours later. Whoops! But it doesn't matter what I wrote or how poorly I wrote it because, this weekend, I got it back.

And it was stamped "Return to Sender".

(Okay, stop singing.)

I couldn't believe it.

(Stop singing, I said.)

She'd blocked my email address, asked me not to phone her, and now -


So, I guess writing to her is out. I can't begin to understand what's going on in her head. I can only understand how much it hurts.

And that wasn't the end of my wonderful weekend. Saturday, I found out that my 20 year high school reunion is coming up. I was checking Classmates (no link for that site - the rip-off artists!) and saw messages between my class Pres and VP (Lisa Nelson and Lee Ann Ward), talking about the plans for the event.

Now, I hadn't gone to my 10 year reunion because I was a 28 year old man who'd done nothing with his life.

This time, I've lost my wife. I have no kids, no house, and nothing to show for 38 years. Meanwhile, Julie Starr (my sweetheart from back then) is married. So are Lisa and Lee Ann. In fact, searching through my class, I found that most of the women are married!!!

There goes the whole "go for the single women" idea...

I left high school as one of those "Most Likely To" kind of people and seem to have done very little to measure up to that. Keith tells me I don't give myself enough credit. Personally, I think I'm surrounded by people who give themselves too much credit.

What do you think? Should I go? Will it be an exercise in humiliation? Should I spare myself the agony? Or will I regret that, too???

If I do go, I've realized I need to lose a lot of weight, which translates into eating better (and LESS) and hitting the gym much more often. Fun... (sob) After all, if I have nothing to show for my four decades, at least I can show a trimmer body that still has (non-gray) hair!!

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