I'll say it again. "I ain't no stand-up comic!" ... waka waka...

Okay, so I didn't get saved from this audition, after all! Kevin, of Ask Kevin Productions, called again last night and said that I shouldn't worry about being in a show. He'd work around my schedule, blah blah blah - he just really wanted to get me in there for auditions.

Now, I don't know what the hell this guy has ever seen me in. I don't know where he got the idea for me to be in an improv group.

And I'm flattered. Can I just say that? I'm flattered.

Stupefied, actually.

So, I get this message last night after rehearsal and I just don't know what to think. (See previous paragraph.) So, I called Tim and talked to him about it. Then, I fell asleep on my sofa. (I've been working toooooo hard lately!)

Back when I was with Rosa, I'd look at her and say, "What should I do?" And she'd tell me. She was so good at that and I was so grateful. I really miss having a partner, someone to lean on when I wasn't sure.

Nowadays, I'm never sure.

Later, however, after one in the morning when I woke up, I got to thinking about it. Aside from the obvious issues of "Am I funny enough?" there's something else going on here.

I've been told I'm very talented by a great many people. I honestly believe that word is thrown around far too injudiciously; people should just shut the hell up. Assuming for a moment, however, that they're not full of shit (they are), one thing I've always lacked is FOCUS.

Years ago, it was "I wanna be an actor". This was followed with "I wanna be a writer". Then, it was "I wanna be a rock and roll star". This turned into "I wanna be a director". The next thing up was "I wanna be a painter". This went on for years and years. Towards the end of the last century, and God that makes me feel old, I axed a lot of these to give me time to do, at least, one of them. I'd spread myself too thin and couldn't do anything because I was too busy pursuing all things. I focused on my writing.

I wrote many books and, after Rosa, I couldn't even look at them. They were tied to Rosa just as much as I was.

So, I started writing and performing monologues. Then, I went into acting. This brought me into writing plays. This brought me into directing. Now, here comes improv.

STOP!!!

Let's face it, I can't keep spreading myself so thin! I've got to finish this show. I want to write another play. I've got this book with Rich... which I have yet to see but that's beside the point...

I just don't have time for anything else. Not now.

I'm not saying "Never". I'm saying "Not now".

We'll see.

...

...

... until then... this horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"