Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Making Water...

When I was a child, my mom had a variety of euphemisms for various different functions, bodily and otherwise. One that popped into my head today - please don't ask me why - was the popular "Making Water".

"The kitty's in there making water," she'd say, pointing at the cat box. "You sit here. I have to go make water."

Make water? How does one make water, I'd think. And what was I missing?

When I went into the bathroom, it was to pee, piddle, urinate. (For many years during my childhood, I took a great deal of pleasure referring to "Your innate ability to...", just because it sounded like urinate. I don't think anyone ever caught on.) Sometimes, I'd poop or go doo doo. (Here's another one. I never once said "Doo doo" as I was going doo doo, so...?) But make water?

I imagined little machines people had that would take the ice out of the urinals and convert it to ice. I certainly had no conception of the molecular structure of water, though that might have helped.

And why make water, anyway? The bathroom's full of water! It's in the sink. It's in the urinal. There are bowls full of it, for crying out loud!

I swear, people, do you realize how much faster humanity would be curing cancer, healing the planet, overcoming Republicanism if we didn't have to spend years of our childhood trying to figure this shit out?!


... by the way, it's taking a leak.

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