I just had one of the worst panic attacks... well, since the last one.
I was sitting here at my desk (here at Linkrosoft!), looking up discount prices for travel through our company discount page. Turns out I can get a room in Vegas for $59/night. See, Keith wants to go to Vegas at the beginning of May and, being the only one with a credit card, I'm making room arrangements by default. (Any readers out there in a position to give me a discount in Vegas????)
Then, I started looking at the other discounts. Cruises. New York. Paris. London. I thought, when am I ever going to go some place like that.
My next thought was why would I go there alone?
That's why I don't travel, because I end up going everywhere alone. And I don't like being alone.
And I'll always be alone.
I'll die alone. Sad and alone.
There's absolutely no hope.
Suddenly, I couldn't catch my breath. I started hyperventilating and wanted to run away.
I wanted to scream.
I went to Andreas, a guy I know here, and bummed a cigarette. I went outside in the warmth of the day, smoked, and calmed down.
I am so very sad.