Tuesday, March 30, 2004


I just had one of the worst panic attacks... well, since the last one.

I was sitting here at my desk (here at Linkrosoft!), looking up discount prices for travel through our company discount page. Turns out I can get a room in Vegas for $59/night. See, Keith wants to go to Vegas at the beginning of May and, being the only one with a credit card, I'm making room arrangements by default. (Any readers out there in a position to give me a discount in Vegas????)

Then, I started looking at the other discounts. Cruises. New York. Paris. London. I thought, when am I ever going to go some place like that.

My next thought was why would I go there alone?

That's why I don't travel, because I end up going everywhere alone. And I don't like being alone.

And I'll always be alone.

I'll die alone. Sad and alone.

There's absolutely no hope.

Suddenly, I couldn't catch my breath. I started hyperventilating and wanted to run away.

I wanted to scream.

I went to Andreas, a guy I know here, and bummed a cigarette. I went outside in the warmth of the day, smoked, and calmed down.

I am so very sad.

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